Day 1 of the 30 Day Photo Challenge

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Night Time Ramble...

I love the idea of falling asleep with the kids, but sometimes that just isn't the plan... I missed out on doing a ton of alone time cleaning and knitting because I fell asleep at 8:30 when I ought to have fought sleep and stayed up. So, because I fell asleep, I missed Two's (who is now 4!) night time pee and she wet her bed. Great. And I'm up, but I can't really do anything because the Man Child is a light sleeper to night, and I can't make this app work.

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Socks and Pattern Adaptation...

I need to stop improvising on patterns... There is this crazy need that comes over me everytime I see a pattern or a yarn I like, "oh, I can do what ever I want to this sweater pattern..." or in this case, socks... I thought if I just added a few stitches, I could make it work... right? well, I added 16 cast on stitches to make it a larger sock, and so far compensating the math for the number of stitches in the heel and the number of rows needed to work the heel and even turn the heel, but now... I can't get the math to add up for the gussets. The pattern says "needle 1- 19, needle 2- 24, needle 3- 19, so my math should work to be 1- 25, 2- 32, 3- 25. but it isn't working!!! i just want to knit a fucking suck. bastard knitting. you always come in so sweet and simple, "oh look at me, i'm a simple sock pattern, you can do it... oh go ahead and add some stitches to me, it'll be easy." because adapting sock patterns is everyone's drug, right?

oh, and it turns out that when a pattern says "s1 p1" the slipped stitch is in fact slipped purl wise. who knew?


edited to add: "HA!!! I fixed it! good thing i know how to count.

Misunderstood...

A while ago I had the revelation that parenting was like taking care of someone in a natural disater. You don't want FEMA showing up with guns, barking orders, making the situation worse... you want someone to come in and speak with calm authority and a gentle plan. But now that my Girl is going to be 4 I find that not everything that upsets her is because of some major crisis or disaster. Sometimes it is the result of me not choosing my words properly... The other day, she was sorting some awesome magnet toys by color when we had to get in the car to go to grandma's. She got her magnets on their board and climbed into her car seat. Here is a close re-telling of how the conversation went:

"ok, please put your magnets down on the seat so I can buckle you in."
"ok, not yet, i'm finishing."
"sweetheart, you can finish later"
"noooo nowwwww!!!!!" and so the tantrum and the struggle to get buckled began. About half way thru trying to strong arm her into her arm straps, it hit me. She thought that when I said later, I meant, well, later. So I stopped what I was doing to her, she yelled and was angry for a bit and then I began again.
"Sweetheart, do you think I will not let you have your crispy-cookies (that was the game with the magnets, i guess) back?"
"mmmmm"
"Well, what I meant to say was that as soon as you are buckled you can have your magnets back."
"mmm"
I went on to explain to her, after she was buckled with her magnets back safely in her lap, that sometimes mommy might say something that is good but it might not come out sounding like that. I told her that if she didn't like the sound of what I'm saying to ask me what the plan is. She seamed satisfied with that and then let it go. When we got back into the car to go home, she put her magnets on the seat next to her and said "I can have them back later when I'm buckled, right mommy?"
This morning, she asked me for a morning cartoon and I said no, not right now, maybe after lunch. She looked at me and said "What's the plan?" so I explained the simple version of my very busy day and came to the part where she could watch a movie after lunch. Well, she thru her fit anyway, and I sat with her and held her hand while she was upset. When the crying ended, she seemed to have forgotten about the movie and hasn't asked me since.

It is hard to be new to this world. She has such a greater understanding of the universe than anyone knows, but the language she possess isn't always enough for even the simplest communications. I try to take it one thing at a time, but it is so easy to get frustrated and bossy. I just keep telling her I love her no matter what and that even if we are sad today, tomorrow will be better.

18 Year Old Love

I recently went and saw the new Twilight Movie 4A with my dear friend, Pippi. It was fine, I guess. I'm honestly not a big fan of the movies, up until I saw the new one I think I had only ever seen the very first one. I will admit to reading the books. I'm not really a fan of those either, but at least they were books so I got to make up my own images in my head. I could go on and on about the lameness of the movie but the point is this: I am so glad I did not marry the man I was in love with at 18. Not because I didn't love him, or because we would have turned out horribly and destined to fail and all that but because I never would have found this One. This man. This silly, frustrating, sleeping-while-the-kids-do-god-knows-what man.
It is hard knowing that I love him no matter what. It is hard knowing that this man actually means so much to me that I refuse to put financial comforts before Us. Much to the frustration of my mother. It means that there are no ultimatums. No "If you don't make tons and tons of money I'll take the kids and move in with my parents!" Because a) if the 3 of us plus Isis tried to live there again it would suck like nothing else and b) I don't want to separate from him over money. I can't say "Since your'e not making the money I'll go get a job and put the kids in day care." Any job I would get (without a great deal of luck) would not pay me as much as hourly daycare for 2 kids. So, I'd have to go back on food stamps. Where now we are barley scraping by and we take no assistance from the government, if I were to go back to work, we would have to go back on government assistance. And also, my baby boy is still nursing!

That's right, the Little Baby Man Child has been nursing for 16 months! That is 2 months longer that with Little A... Oh! it's almost her birthday! Little A's Fourth Birthday. I think we will be having another Butterfly Party. Last year's was a Pink and Golden Tea Party and I guess this year's is going to be a Butterfly Princess Party. I'm really excited and will soon be trolling the internet and Pintrest for good Little Girl Birthday Ideas.

That's all the word vomit for now. I missed you. I feel like it has been forever. I still believe in the revolution. I love the world.


also, i miss melinda. but she'll be home soon!

It has been a long time since I sat down to write... 

The button on my track pad was not functioning for months... I blame the offspring. It probably got some sort of kid-goo in it. It seems to be working now which is good and brings me to the first in a long line of reasons why I have been neglecting this blog. 

I have not been able to place to windows on my screen so I could see a movie and type at the same time.

and now the baby is crying.

Huz leaves a lot. He is always on the way somewhere. Tonight he is on the way to Brazil to work with some Australian footballer, 60 minutes and Rohan Marley. I don't have any idea what those 3 things have in common. Some times, it is easier than others. Last time he left was the most peaceful good by I can remember... this one, not so much. His flight out got bumped forward because of the Quantas walk out. (good for them i guess, i hope the workers got what they needed to make their jobs better. huz says they already have great service...)So instead of having all day tomorrow to say good by to poppa they basically went to bed seeing him and they will wake up not seeing him. We tried to talk to them about it, but Little B is still so very baby-ish and A is only almost-four so they don't really understand... Although, I think Little A has a much better grasp on what is happening than we give her credit for...

This time is hard for me too. We had sort of a rough time this visit. He was only home for 5 days in between 2 week plus trips. That isn't enough time for the family to come back together and fall back into sync. Last time he was home was almost a whole month and it was amazing. We were really able to connect with each other and reconnect with the kids.

Any way, I wrote this while waiting for his laundry to finish, as soon as it is dry he's out the door.