PD Eastman and Limbing Trees

hello.
hello.
do you like my hat?
i do not like that hat.
good bye.
good bye.

Been feeling very creatively challenged since landing at my parent's house. It's hard to just get in my zone here, we have to be very careful not to sprawl out much here. wouldn't want to get finger prints on the armchairs. So instead of knitting, I have attempted to become a weaver. Lenorre over at the Mendocino Yarn Shop had a knitters loom she wasn't using and when I told her my spinning wheel was all packed in storage in Las Vegas for real, i'm still sorta crying about it, she told me I could borrow it! yay! But, that hasn't been as inspiring as I'd hoped. I've already finished one huge ass scarf for one of the grandma's and I started a bit of a smaller scarf for my mom, who likes to complain that I never knit her things. And even though it is easy, and it is playing with yarn, it still hasn't been enough. 

Which brings me to the solution of the last few days... I've been clearing redwood suckers and under brush from the property. Starting with the trees and stumps that make the best forts, I've been going out for a little while every day with some heavy-duty clippers and my little hatchet and cutting limbs. I like to tell myself that by cutting the low branches and clearing away some of the dry(ish) sticks and bushes, I'm helping prevent a fire. in north-coastal california. in december. But really, I just need to be out of the house. When Huz is not here, the kids come with me. Everyone gets their own tool, a little rake or shovel, and the wheel barrow and we truck off to the day's target area. But then my man comes home and likes to say awesomely helpful things like: "it's too cold" or "it's raining" or "he's only 2! i think that a double sided hoeing tool with prongs is not safe for him and i'm taking it away!" And so lately, I've been out on my own. I don't like work. I don't like manual labor or jobs that make me sweaty or itchy. But for whatever reason, cutting the branches back has been exactly what I needed.

Pray for some yarny action soon, though, my shoulders hurt.

Also, the sand dunes at my phone.

bitches.

Wasted

2011 was a wasteful year for our family... Water, money, electricity, time... yarn. Food was a big one for us. My family wastes a lot of food. I chalk that up to my lack of any type of cookish skills. And the fact that I have no inner portion control, I would either make too much or not enough. We also eat too many packaged foods, but that is for another post. I am a firm non-believer in "New Years" resolution, but this year, I felt the shift toward a more conscious lifestyle for at least a few months. Starting in early November, I have had grandiose notions of cooking more, saving more, wasting less, working out, starting a container garden, walking the dog, meditating, playing outdoors with the kids more, reading to them more, yelling less... etc. At Solstice, I could feel the will to do these things growing, and a few days later 2012 started. And so, I have started. Started working out every day. Started taking a pic and posting it every day for 30 days. woot. I am going to live this year on purpose. This year is our year. Everything is changing. Everything is being reevaluated. I am so excited to be alive.

Misunderstood...

A while ago I had the revelation that parenting was like taking care of someone in a natural disater. You don't want FEMA showing up with guns, barking orders, making the situation worse... you want someone to come in and speak with calm authority and a gentle plan. But now that my Girl is going to be 4 I find that not everything that upsets her is because of some major crisis or disaster. Sometimes it is the result of me not choosing my words properly... The other day, she was sorting some awesome magnet toys by color when we had to get in the car to go to grandma's. She got her magnets on their board and climbed into her car seat. Here is a close re-telling of how the conversation went:

"ok, please put your magnets down on the seat so I can buckle you in."
"ok, not yet, i'm finishing."
"sweetheart, you can finish later"
"noooo nowwwww!!!!!" and so the tantrum and the struggle to get buckled began. About half way thru trying to strong arm her into her arm straps, it hit me. She thought that when I said later, I meant, well, later. So I stopped what I was doing to her, she yelled and was angry for a bit and then I began again.
"Sweetheart, do you think I will not let you have your crispy-cookies (that was the game with the magnets, i guess) back?"
"mmmmm"
"Well, what I meant to say was that as soon as you are buckled you can have your magnets back."
"mmm"
I went on to explain to her, after she was buckled with her magnets back safely in her lap, that sometimes mommy might say something that is good but it might not come out sounding like that. I told her that if she didn't like the sound of what I'm saying to ask me what the plan is. She seamed satisfied with that and then let it go. When we got back into the car to go home, she put her magnets on the seat next to her and said "I can have them back later when I'm buckled, right mommy?"
This morning, she asked me for a morning cartoon and I said no, not right now, maybe after lunch. She looked at me and said "What's the plan?" so I explained the simple version of my very busy day and came to the part where she could watch a movie after lunch. Well, she thru her fit anyway, and I sat with her and held her hand while she was upset. When the crying ended, she seemed to have forgotten about the movie and hasn't asked me since.

It is hard to be new to this world. She has such a greater understanding of the universe than anyone knows, but the language she possess isn't always enough for even the simplest communications. I try to take it one thing at a time, but it is so easy to get frustrated and bossy. I just keep telling her I love her no matter what and that even if we are sad today, tomorrow will be better.

Peaceful Parent and Child Raising Rambles...

I made it a point not to read parenting or birth books. at all. ever. ok, except for the Depak Chopra birth book during my second pregnancy, because Amy said it was great. I never finished it. Turns out, I didn't need to birth my first or my second babies. I didn't want some author presuming to know me or my future offspring. I didn't want to read some "when your child mis behaves in the market you must use your firm voice to explain blah blah blah." Who's to say my kids will misbehave in the market? What is misbehavior anyway? My 3yo has no clearer notion of why you can't cry for new shoes than my 1yo crying for Boobahs Nunu. She does not mean for her sadness to annoy the other people in the shoe store.

When I was a dancer I used to say "I hate Mary. I hate her and I will never take class from her again." Up until a few years ago, I think still hated her. People, like my mom, would tell me that it is not good to hate. My response was "Hate is a natural emotion given to us so that we might use it to avoid people or things that do not serve our life positively." I feel the same way about the sadness and disappointment Little A felt about not getting new shoes. I have yet to hear of a book that embraces childhood feelings as normal healthy things to be explored and respected not shushed and ignored.

Amy and a friend of hers both recommend Hold onto Your Kids as a revolutionary approach to raising kids. So I have decided to read it. I ordered it from Amazon on Friday, so hopefully it will be here soon. I also have heard good things about How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen etc. and so I ordered that too. There are a few FaceBook pages I go to when I really need guidance with Little A and so far with Little B I have learned to just let him be. He is learning about happiness and hunger and fun and waves and everything all at once and it is amazing. There are no crises with a nursing 1yo. Most of his problems can still be fixed with a boob in the face or a good momma snuggle... or a nap. Little A on the other hand really needs me to listen to her, to mirror her emotions and help her find the root cause behind it.

I have also noticed that as I become more myself, my relationship with A becomes smoother. When I am rested and have had time for meditation or a ritual, Little A is also much calmer and more ready to do what needs to be done. As I find my own feet I see her find hers too because she has a momma who knows where she stands. Our children are reflections of us not our parenting styles. I want my children to reflect me as the perfected one I strive to become, the perfected one that I am and the perfect one I have been since the beginning of time.

Day 6: A Much Better Day or Diapers in the Mail!

Kaya had daycare today and she was sooo good getting ready to go. Dropping her off was great, she was really good. Zen and I had a fine, calm day until he had projectile vomit all over our bed! It got in his eyes, his ears, his nose, his armpits... I even found some in his diaper! He got a bath and even though he has never liked baths in the first place, he was so good and relaxed. He let me clean him all over until I got to his hair, he didn't like that at all! We went to pick Kaya up and it was a disaster! She was so upset about something... I don't know what, but she had an accident during nap time and then a melt down. We had to get the other teacher from the baby room to hold Zen while I comforted Kaya.
I think she really just needs me. She needs my undivided attention, not me while I listen out for Zen or watch a movie with her while I nurse. I want to do something really special for her but what? My mom will take Zen for an hour or so and Kaya and I can go to the beach or maybe the toy store and get some paint and do a project. I want to give her everything I gave her before we had Zen. She needs lots of love and affection and attention and want, need to be the one to give it to her.
But by the time I got them both home she had cheered up a bit and we got on with our day. The best part of the day? Our new FuzziBunz came in the mail!!! These cloth diapers are so cute and soft and surprisingly easy to use! I love cloth diapers!!!!! I am pleased to report the rest of our day has gone smoothly, no major incidents to report!

Now on to Ice Cream, Knitting, and Torchwood.

Day 5: Disaster Strikes or Good Start, Race Lost or Melinda is a Goddess!

Woke up this morning to 3 stuffy noses, 3 sore throats and 3 coughs. We were supposed to meet friends at the play ground and then meet Melinda for tea. I almost cancelled everything but instead I texted Melinda and told her we were unwell and, since she is an amazing wonderful person, asked her if she could bring us some "feel better." I packed Kaya and I a good lunch, dressed Zenny and got the kids into the car for our play date at the park. We played and had lunch and Kaya was so good the whole time we were there, but a little sluggish and sleepy acting. Zen slept on my chest in our Beco carrier the whole time. (PS- I love those baby wearing and I LOVE our Beco!) We went to Mendo, then started home for a nap. As we were leaving she started acting so out of it. not bad, just a little cranky 2 year old. then she just stopped listening, she usually has to be asked 2 or 3 times but she usually does it. Today she didn't want to listen or help or be patient or anything. She was kicking and yelling and jumping and she was happy and having fun the whole time. Even when I finally had to yell at her for putting her dirty feet all over  the baby's head and face. I asked her 3 hundred times to stop. "Stop putting your feet on Zenny's head please, Kaya." But she didn't and I wanted to smack her. I don't want to be that kind of mother. Any way, our day just fell to pieces, every moment things just got worse. I was feeding off her energy and she was feeding off me. I fell asleep during the movie, while asleep she got into the bum spray for the cloth wipes and emptied to out onto the floor in her play room. That was the last straw, I tossed her in her bed for a time out and she yelled and hit me and I yelled back and Zen started crying so I started to change him when Kaya started yelling and kicking the bed so hard i thought she was going to break something. So Kaya was kicking, Zen pooped on himself and they were both crying. I called Melinda and she came to my rescue. She came and took Kaya for dinner and an adventure. Zen and I lay down and snuggled, we ate, and I got to knit. Kaya came home and Melinda helped me put her to bed. Now it's my bed time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

YAY!!! Friends!

Yay, Natalie is here! And Jamie is working with Wade-O. So I have two really good friends in my house to entertain me. Still no baby, but we're ready and waiting. I had some major contractions a few nights ago, but they didn't end in any baby coming out. Poo. Hopefully the baby comes soon.

Tomorrow, Natalie and I are going to rearange the bed room and steam clean the carpets, but before that we are going to take a ballet class! YAY! I can't wait. Prego ballet... woo hoo!

Any way, good night.

ps- the baby stole my hearing.