To Start the Day

~Today starts with no coffee I drank it wall yesterday. Even though I knew there was none left and I knew that I'd be a full dollar short after paying for shipping confirmation on the 2 pretties I just sent out in the mail. A skien of handspun for one of my favorite online peeps and ... erm- cough... a surprise for one of my favorite in real life people. 

~Today will see us at the "big playground" as soon as KaBean wakes up, gets dressed, and eats something. I think we found desert sage growing near our favorite playground, but I'm pretty sure it's part of the landscaping and may therefore be coated with pesticides. If it is not wild or if it looks like it is probably maintained with some sort of chemical cocktail I will leave it there and move on... If not, I will be gratefully clipping a branch and thanking the plant and earth and neighborhood for such a special gift. The bundle that Huz brought out with us on our move is almost gone. We burn it like crazy here, love sage. So it's time to get some more... speaking of which, i need to find my red string!

~Today finds Huz and the ManChild awake before 7am. I know I know... someone out there is probably like "that's nothing my fill-in-the-blank gets up at insane-ungodly-hour!!!" But still, this is my story and 7 am hurts my brain sometimes. Instead of chilling in bed nursing, the ManChild is currently racing his matchbox cars across the steamer trunk that came over the ocean with my great great grandmother's people from some no longer in existence European country. A very loud game for a momma who woke up before 7am to no coffee. 

playground here we come.

Happy Birthday, ManChild

My son just turned 2. He officially ended his second trip around this sun. He came out of me and is still nourished at my breast. His expressiveness and happiness impress me every day. He loves his big sister and wants to be everywhere she is and she does amazing with him for the most part. This little boy, my ManChild, is one of the best things about waking up every morning. Actually, I think the silence before he wakes up is the best, sshhhhhh.... I want to right about the things that have been important to me in the past, I even just listed them out, but even that felt like too much. But I feel this year, I am just so happy he is mine, well ours. I love him. I love him and his father and his sister and our unit. We are so blessed.

I love you, my little ManChild. Happy Birthday.

He's absorbing the knowledge. Education thru osmosis. Resting under to books works the same way the Fibonacci Baby Blanket will make that baby good at math. 

I know he looks asleep, but he actually told me that Lighting McQueen needs boobies. And also that McQueen likes boobies.  

And apparently, Tow Mater really likes boobies too. 

Best conversation all week when Huz came home from a shoot,

ManChild, "Hi Daddy!!!! Hiii!!!!!"

Huz, "Hey kiddo, I missed you, what did you today?"

MC, in the most excited 2 year old voice you ever heard, "Got BOOBIES!!! Daddy, GOT BOOBIES and switched SIDES!!!!!!!"

Huz, not as excited but still a lot excited but not enough, "You got Boobies?" 

MC, kind of disappointed in Daddy for not being properly stoked but still personally thrilled, "Yeah, Daddy, Boobies, switch sides. and Mater and Queen boobies, too."

My boobies are great fuel it seems. 2 years, going strong.

Sloppy

This post is not about knitting or cute kids. Self Reflection Zone Ahead. You have been warned.


Everything about the way we do things is, feels, sloppy. Sloppy isn't quite the word I'd use... yes it is. And not just is in a "clean" kind of way, but in the way we lead our lives. That old quote "cluttered room, cluttered mind" has really been resonating with me for the last few days. I look around our McMansion and see the clutter. But we don't really own a lot of "stuff." No large pieces of furniture, huge toys, things on the wall... stuff... The few things we do have are strewn about the house like leaves. There is another quote floating around the peaceful parenting/ attachment parenting facebook pages that goes along the lines of "play with your kids now, while they're small... you can clean your house later." This is really amazing and touches me to the core and I love it. But I find myself wading thru junk all over my house. The kids and I try to keep up with it, but honestly, I'd rather be playing with my kids or knitting or, well, sleeping, than cleaning things. We don't own a ton of clothes, but we have tons of laundry, and it's everywhere. The kids really don't have an excessive amount of toys, but the stuff they do have ends up getting kicked aside to make room to walk... I feel like the only thing in the whole house that is even remotely tidy is was the Yarn Room. Until, that is, the kids and I went on our trip and Huz converted my space to the clean laundry pile room. It is better this way (not for me or my stash), in as much as now the clean and laundry really doesn't have the chance to mingle. I usually don't mind messes. It really doesn't bother me, but lately it has been too much. Almost like a reminder of all the non-consumerist and artistic ideals I have while living such a convenience, consumer based life. It doesn't help that I dislike/am not good at cooking. I like to bake stuff from time to time, but the whole "fresh ingredients" thing puts me over some sort of edge. When I look around the kitchen I see Starbucks cups and plastic bread bags and recycling and it over whelms me, the Stuff-ness of it all.


 And the diapers. I'm having diaper guilt. Since moving to the desert, we haven't used cloth. Well, a few times. But not enough. I'm torn here between the water used to wash the dipes and the impact of the sposies on the planet. But that's a whole different post. The point is, I think it's time for us to rework the way we live. Scratch that, it's time for me to change the way I live and help my kids make better choices. I think despite his best intentions, Huz is a lost cause.


But it goes even deeper than just the surface stuff. There is always crazy financial issues, in any family. There is education and the dog and work and the car and the ever-present guilt that maybe I'm doing wrong by my kids in every choice I make. But the way I handle these things is a defining trait in my life: I'm sloppy. In my mind, my car, my kids. Every thing from the way I eat to the way I spend money to the way I keep house. It all just comes out sloppy. Even my spinning is sloppy, but I haven't been practicing much *cough*at*all*cough*. My knitting is at least nice still, but then maybe not... we'll see, I've made such headway on the F@#king Shawl. radness.


sorry about the emo word vomit, thanks for listening.

Over the Hills and Thru the Woods...

Or

G r a t i t u d e  *  S u n d a y

{Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.} 

Because nature and beauty are always things to be grateful for...

ps- click the link to go to Taryn's page and see her list, it is always so beautiful and inspiring.
pps- get really really inspired and write or own list, then link it... or not. just feeling grateful is worth it.

This is what we get to live in and see every day! All these pictures were taken walking between my parents house and the cabin on our neighbors property, where we are staying till it is time to move all the way to Las Vegas. I love this cabin and I LOVE these woods. I'm going to miss this place so very much when we go.

Abundant Trilliums. For Taryn...

Old Growth Redwood Log... and Boy.

These wild flowers smell like honey.

Up the hill to my Parents House. 

When we were kids growing up in this forest, that stand that Bean is climbing in was one of our
lesser forts.  But now it is the perfect size for my Littles.

Calypso Orchid. There is a whole patch of these growing right next to the trail/driveway. I love walking past
 them and seeing all this color. The forest flowers this year are amazing!

Another HUGE old growth stump near the cabin. There are so many great places for the kids to play!

Hey look! It's the Man-Child, pants-less in the forest. As a man child should be. lol.

That colorful blur there is KaBean falling off the same log that Kevin Foster fell of when we made a Robin Hood movie in our church youth group. The only thing that would have made this moment match that moment perfectly would be the Littlest Beeman somewhere in the background saying "that's so re-mantic..."

Living in this cabin, in my woods, is the best way to finish off our time on the coast. Seeing my kids play where my brothers and I played is so special and amazing. I am so blessed. I am so Blessed.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fluffy Mail!!!

First off, the fun stuff, I got my fluffy mail today! The boring stuff- Thirsties Pre-Wash and Rockin' Green Cloth Diaper Laundry Detergent (Soft Rock- Bare Naked Babies). The exciting stuff- FuzziBunz Double sided Wipes and my very first Rumparooz G2 One Size Diaper w/ 6-r  Soaker (Aplix fastener) in Platinum. That's right, we now have a platinum colored diaper. Ballin! I already love it, but it hasn't been washed yet and that seems to make a difference in the softness. In the next few posts I think I'm going to start reviewing some of the fluff and fluff related products I get. I'll start with our first diaper purchase and go from there.

But that is another post, and right now I'm going to talk about my day...

J Wizzle left this morning, sad, and the house is a mess, sadder. I should be picking things and cleaning since I got both kids to bed at the same time (score 1 me!) but instead I am going to watch Robin Hood and work on Melinda's cowl. Tomorrow I will be going to the MYS with Jamie to get some advice on the project while Bean is in day care, I'm kinda nerdily excited about it! My mom told me I was an old lady but I just laughed. This is fun! I got more done on this project while Wade-O was home than I had been able to get done in a while and that felt really great!
Our day went pretty well, J Dub left at noon and the kids and I sort of hung out together for a while. We played "You can't caaaaatch meeee!" with Bean. I hold the Man Child in the carrier and sort of fast walk while K Bean runs through our house squealing and having a really great time. Then we played "You can't fiiiinnnd meeee!" Bean will hide under the blanket and then squeal and have a really good time when I pull the blanket off her and find her. Then, get this other moms of 2 babies, We All Took A Nap At The Same Time!!! Yes we did. It was glorious! Man Child slept and Bean slept and I got to sleep too!!! (Hence being up blogging at 11pm) It was even Bean's idea. I think she thought she was playing a game until she started snoring!
Any way, I'm off to my knitting.

Day 5: Disaster Strikes or Good Start, Race Lost or Melinda is a Goddess!

Woke up this morning to 3 stuffy noses, 3 sore throats and 3 coughs. We were supposed to meet friends at the play ground and then meet Melinda for tea. I almost cancelled everything but instead I texted Melinda and told her we were unwell and, since she is an amazing wonderful person, asked her if she could bring us some "feel better." I packed Kaya and I a good lunch, dressed Zenny and got the kids into the car for our play date at the park. We played and had lunch and Kaya was so good the whole time we were there, but a little sluggish and sleepy acting. Zen slept on my chest in our Beco carrier the whole time. (PS- I love those baby wearing and I LOVE our Beco!) We went to Mendo, then started home for a nap. As we were leaving she started acting so out of it. not bad, just a little cranky 2 year old. then she just stopped listening, she usually has to be asked 2 or 3 times but she usually does it. Today she didn't want to listen or help or be patient or anything. She was kicking and yelling and jumping and she was happy and having fun the whole time. Even when I finally had to yell at her for putting her dirty feet all over  the baby's head and face. I asked her 3 hundred times to stop. "Stop putting your feet on Zenny's head please, Kaya." But she didn't and I wanted to smack her. I don't want to be that kind of mother. Any way, our day just fell to pieces, every moment things just got worse. I was feeding off her energy and she was feeding off me. I fell asleep during the movie, while asleep she got into the bum spray for the cloth wipes and emptied to out onto the floor in her play room. That was the last straw, I tossed her in her bed for a time out and she yelled and hit me and I yelled back and Zen started crying so I started to change him when Kaya started yelling and kicking the bed so hard i thought she was going to break something. So Kaya was kicking, Zen pooped on himself and they were both crying. I called Melinda and she came to my rescue. She came and took Kaya for dinner and an adventure. Zen and I lay down and snuggled, we ate, and I got to knit. Kaya came home and Melinda helped me put her to bed. Now it's my bed time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Day 4 etc. etc. etc.

So today was decent. Natalie was here over night and helped with bed time and getting Kaya ready for daycare this morning. But she was still kinda grumpy when she got home. Her teacher said she didn't nap at all, so I know she was just tired. I have to learn to be more patient with her when she takes forever to do as I ask. She is frustrated that Daddy is gone again and I think, even though she is always kissing him and loving him and telling us how much she loves him, I think she is a little jealous of Zen. She was doing sooo well but recently she started having accidents again. She started the day she went to daycare after Zen was born and it hasn't really gotten better. On the up side, she did wake herself up in the night to go pee.

Poor little Zenjamin has the snuffles. No fever, just a really stuffy nose. I don't really know what to do besides wait it out. Kaya was stuffy for a 2 days and got right over it, so maybe tomorrow or the next day?

I got really mad at the cowl I'm knitting for Melinda. It wasn't really it's fault, you know, I was doing the knitting. So I decided to take a break from it and go back to working on Jamie's hat. What I really want to do is start a new hat for Kaya but I need to finish something before I start something new.

Now I am off to bed!

Day 2 as a Semi-Single Mom

Sooo... day 2 started off kind of rough. Man-Child woke up at 6 am and wanted to nurse and chat and look at stuff, but I convinced him to at least chill and relax while I rested some more. Then K Bean woke up at 7 but she was easy, I put on UP and she stayed in her bed until it was over. We woke up and had a shower and got the kids in the car and went to my moms where the day got wayyyy better.

We had a rough night though. Poor Bean had a really stuffy nose and a cough all night. Then the poor, ill feeling girl had an accident in the middle of the night. she was sooo sad, I was heart broken. At some point the CD I had on Man leaked and we woke up in a horrible puddle. I think it was a Bum Genius AIO. I found a few disposables in the back of my closet so we'll be in those (at night) until my favorite baby shop in Mendo opens back up on Weds. I got my first FuzziBunz this weekend and I love it!

Well, night 2 has begun and so far Bean hasn't coughed Man is asleep and we're off to a good start.

Yay! Stuff...

First of all, despite not being able to figure out this grafting thing, I've started a new knitting project. A little beret with cables and twists and I think once again I am in way over my head. But I 12 rows in and over 900 stitches. I know it isn't really that much, but it seems like a lot to me!

So today, after I finish writing, I have a ton of stuff to do. Laundry, laundry, make the bed, clean the kitchen, walk the dog... and the 2 year old, laundry, sort baby bros clothes, make the curtains, hang the belly on the wall... oh and find time for lunch and dinner! It'll be a busy day... I'ma get to it. See ya'll later!!!

Oh just kidding! Last night I got to take K Bean to her first professional dance performance. The Mendocino Music Festival hosted a pretty good company and K Bean did a really good job watching it. We almost had to take her out at one point but she pulled herself together and watched the rest of the show in my lap. I didn't grab a program and I can't remember who the company was or where they were from, lame right? I had a hard time with some of the choreography, it was like someone didn't get it. It could have been the dancers or even the choreographer who didn't understand his own goal but it just seamed unrealized. All of the dancers were amazing but the costumes were stupid and the movement unfulfilled. Oh well. Maybe next time. Now, that's all.