Peaceful Parent and Child Raising Rambles...

I made it a point not to read parenting or birth books. at all. ever. ok, except for the Depak Chopra birth book during my second pregnancy, because Amy said it was great. I never finished it. Turns out, I didn't need to birth my first or my second babies. I didn't want some author presuming to know me or my future offspring. I didn't want to read some "when your child mis behaves in the market you must use your firm voice to explain blah blah blah." Who's to say my kids will misbehave in the market? What is misbehavior anyway? My 3yo has no clearer notion of why you can't cry for new shoes than my 1yo crying for Boobahs Nunu. She does not mean for her sadness to annoy the other people in the shoe store.

When I was a dancer I used to say "I hate Mary. I hate her and I will never take class from her again." Up until a few years ago, I think still hated her. People, like my mom, would tell me that it is not good to hate. My response was "Hate is a natural emotion given to us so that we might use it to avoid people or things that do not serve our life positively." I feel the same way about the sadness and disappointment Little A felt about not getting new shoes. I have yet to hear of a book that embraces childhood feelings as normal healthy things to be explored and respected not shushed and ignored.

Amy and a friend of hers both recommend Hold onto Your Kids as a revolutionary approach to raising kids. So I have decided to read it. I ordered it from Amazon on Friday, so hopefully it will be here soon. I also have heard good things about How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen etc. and so I ordered that too. There are a few FaceBook pages I go to when I really need guidance with Little A and so far with Little B I have learned to just let him be. He is learning about happiness and hunger and fun and waves and everything all at once and it is amazing. There are no crises with a nursing 1yo. Most of his problems can still be fixed with a boob in the face or a good momma snuggle... or a nap. Little A on the other hand really needs me to listen to her, to mirror her emotions and help her find the root cause behind it.

I have also noticed that as I become more myself, my relationship with A becomes smoother. When I am rested and have had time for meditation or a ritual, Little A is also much calmer and more ready to do what needs to be done. As I find my own feet I see her find hers too because she has a momma who knows where she stands. Our children are reflections of us not our parenting styles. I want my children to reflect me as the perfected one I strive to become, the perfected one that I am and the perfect one I have been since the beginning of time.

1 comment:

heather said...

good insights kat wade!