guess what, I am in a happy place. I was just walking thru the hallway having a very loud discussion with my 3yo about poo and it hit me: it really doesn't matter what happens next, because right now, putting my one foot in front of the other, I am happy. In fact, this moment is pure bliss. I can start to think about the things that make us sad... daddy is gone again, australia... maybe a few months. But I have one very clean room in my house, my bills are caught up, I'm well on my way to having enough to pay rent and it isn't even next month yet! I have two of the most amazing children in the whole world and... today I am a great mother.


Pro Smokers. Anti Jerks

i don't think smoking should be made illegal. You see, I love to smoke. As in LOVE. I love the nicotine high, I love the feeling of the sweet smoke in my lungs. I just think smoking is the bees knees. If someone told me that American Spirit invented a loose leaf tobacco that had zero effect on the environment and left no second or third or 18th hand smoke, I would be first in line. But that is just the thing, I know how bad it is for everything so I keep myself away from it. I would never put my children or anybody else's in that position. When I was young(er) and hella punk rock and anarchist(er) I smoked all the time. I remember walking past families with kids and doing one of three things- sometimes I would put my cigertte out, sometimes I would hold it up above the kids heads or cross the street, sometimes I would be so punk I didn't give a shit. Fuck yeah! but not really. It all comes down to that for me. If you are a smoker and feel like this ban on smoking out doors in Sanoma County is infringing on your rights to destroy yourselves (which it is), be considerate. If you are going to smoke where there might be other non-smoking people, do your best not to be a jerk. Step away, put it out for a second, cross the street. Our rights depend on us respecting the rights of others. If we want a society free of government we need to have the capacity to self govern. That means being responsible for yourself and respectful of others. It also means not getting all types of butt hurt if some minor shit doesn't always go the way you wanted.

Respect yourself
Respect others
Respect Mother Earth


Friends and Moving...

I just stopped to see Helen and I was trolling an artist friend of mine's facebook page when it hit me... I have so many beautiful friends. Some I can call on for help, some I might not be as close to but still love having them in my life. The thing is, I can go anywhere and I will always have people who love and inspire me. I like seeing my friends, I like being able to hug them all the time, but if we go a few days or a year (i'm crying inside right now... melinda is leaving... but that is for another post) we will still love each other. Some friends feel like it has been 10 minutes since you last spoke but in reality it has been weeks, some friendships take their time returning before the jokes flow and a common ground is reestablished but that doesn't mean it isn't there. Some friends have been around for ever some are new, but they are all mine. If we go thru with the RV thing, I really hope to come out of my shell and find new friends. We always talk about building a community but I think we have been too narrow minded with our definition. We don't have to have all of our friends in one place and just because we leave doesn't mean we aren't coming back. I love it here, but I think it is time for something new.


Juice and the Naughty Duck

When I was little, maybe 3 ish, my parents took me to see an uncle. While we were there my uncle was going on and on about how he hated the Juice. All the Juice. He said the Juice were taking the jobs and other such Juice hatery. Well, since I am an equal opportunity Juicest, I would have non of that talk. Sp I declared, "i love the juice. I love the grape Juice and the apple Juice and the orange Juice. I love aaaaalllll the Juice." Well, I can tell you we never spent much time with that Juice hater.

In the same vein I'm pretty sure Little A just called me a Nazi Duck.

posted from Bloggeroid


This Time Last Year...

... my water had already broken but there were no contractions yet.
... Jenna had come by to check on us and make sure she had time for dinner.
... I had already called everyone and told them that by tomorrow there would be a new baby in my house.
... the last bedtime with Little A being our only Little.

I am heavy reminiscing about the homebirth of Little B. It is different from A's birth, I am always happy that she was born, I celebrate her entrance into this world, but I don't remember so fondly the way she came into it. After she was born people told me "you forget how bad it was when you see the baby." I don't think her birth was "bad" not after some of the stories I've read, but it was forgettable. Little B's birth on the other hand was amazing and this week I have been reliving it. As I walk thru my days, I try to remember how I spent the last days of pregnancy. Like my last prego dance class with Melinda and Natalie. I actually got to have lunch with Melinda on that anniversary and we talked about the year we've had and Little B's entrance into the world, which she was present for. Or how at around 5 o'clock today I remembered waking up from my last solo nap with A. As soon as I stood up from that nap my water broke. I remember taking my last solo picture with Little A too. She was so excited and anxious about her baby brother coming. We did our best to prep her about birth, I think she handled it well... I remember trying to sleep in between the contractions when they finally started around midnight. I remember getting our of bed when they ramped up sometime between 1 and 2:30. I remember calling Kei at some point and she said we should all keep sleeping till things took off but then she was at my door because she knew I wouldn't get back to sleep and she said neither could she. I remember letting Huz sleep for as long as possible because there was nothing he could do to help me thru the mild contractions, but on my life, when I finally did need him it was the only time he ever jumped up and was awake right away. I remember when Melinda got there, with her oils and her crystals and her loving energy. She rubbed my feet. and my back. and heated the water. and sang me songs... I remember getting into the tub and the amazing feeling of the water. Then I remember the transition, thinking "oh my god what was I thinking? i can't do this shit!" and I remember seeing Little A's face, fear and excitement meeting there. Having her near me was amazing. I could look into her eyes and know that this would be fine. Then I remember roaring my son earthside. I roared him here so hard my voice was hoarse for days. Then we named him. We gave him a name that matched his birthspace. A middle name to honor our family. A last name to honor his father.

My Little Baby is a year old tomorrow. I cannot belive it. really. He is almost walking. He shows interest in everything he can see. and hear. and touch. and put in his mouth. The light in his eyes is so bright and amazing. I can't belive he is here. I can't believe that I had a successful home birth. I can't believe that my son in One Year Old.

This Moment

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -Amanda Soule


Summer Gardening and Happy Breastfeeding Week!

Our family has been extra busy out in our family garden at my parents place. The  Littles are having an amazing time out in the dirt helping water. Little B is having an amazing time eating fresh raspberries and fresh dirt. Lots and lots of dirt. But thats ok, it is soooo good for him to get some organic dirt germies in his gut and then get them flushed out by the amazing liquid commonly referred to as breast milk. 

Hey! Did you know it is International Breastfeeding Week. Or something like that. Any way (I'm a super great lactivist right? lol), if you don't already do this crazy stuff, next time you see a mother out nursing her child, smile at her (but not in like a creepy way, a nice way. good job), do your best to make her feel as comfortable as can be. Nursing mothers don't get enough credit in American society. Our society does its best to make us feel awful for choosing to what our body is made to do. I know breast milk is the best thing for my son. You know that breast milk is the best thing for your child. It is well known but still American women are afraid of it. Afraid that it might be uncomfortable. or that maybe it wont work and they wont make enough milk. that their boobs will sag (who does that? seriously? who would chose looks over their child's well being?). afraid of what the neighbor will think. Why are we so afraid of these things? I had no idea there was anything to be worried about. I knew that babies get mother's milk and thats that. When I had Little A we had to be pretty firm that this is what we were going to do. I told the nurses in no uncertain terms not to wake me or the baby every 3 hours for a feed, she will be fed when she tells me she is ready. Some of the nurses were really confused when we said she would "tell" me when she was ready to eat (I hadn't heard of feeding on demand or on cue or what ever). But that was it. That was the most adversity I have had to face in both my breastfeeding journeys. I know a few people who have negative stories and I know a few people who chose formula and still don't really understand why. I also have friends with amazing breast feeding stories, like my faerie god-sister come to earth, Raintree. She got the Dairy Queen award when her daughter was in the NICU and even after months of not being able to nurse, her daughter latched successfully within the first few attempts. 

And the point of the breast friendly rant was ... something awesome. 

Helping the tomatoes get tall!



So, I've decided that part (if not all) of the issue I'm having with my bike is the extra weight I've been towing. There might be another issue, but right now the Littles are having anamazing rest while I sit in the sun waiting for Poppa.

posted from Bloggeroid

Poppa Is Home and Life Makes Sense Again...

at least it would if I were also 3 years old. The Huz and the Littles are playing blocks in the living room and it sounds as if they were making a stage. cool. It gives me time to post some pics and talk about our summer.
Rolls Royce Owners Club Annual Picnic. My parents have been going to this thing for years and this year they thought it would be fun to bring the kids. It was... ish. The man who owns the vineyard where the picnic is held put blue dye in the water to make it this blue color that is supposed to stop algae from growing by blocking out the light. It is also supposed to be organic and safe for swimming... I thought it looked toxic. 

There is also a scale model train that goes around the lake and people ride on it. So there were all types of boojy type older folks riding around on this hilarious little train with their wine and their billion dollar hobby cameras. And there goes my mom and Little A. Fun times.

One of the engines. I think there were 3 different engines all together. It was pretty cool.

We have had lots of fun playing with our very good friend, Lil Pip. Both girls are learning how to be a good big sister, Pippi Sock Momma had her new baby about 2 months ago!

There have been movies...

and lots of dancing!

Oh and by the way, Little B is walking! ok sorta... ok not really. But he stands up and likes to walk around holding his sisters hand. And now the family needs me, they want mommy monster to come find them. 
here i come to find my family!

I will post more pics of the dance recital and our beautiful garden and beaches and rivers and whatever else I find. peace out.