This Time Last Year...

... my water had already broken but there were no contractions yet.
... Jenna had come by to check on us and make sure she had time for dinner.
... I had already called everyone and told them that by tomorrow there would be a new baby in my house.
... the last bedtime with Little A being our only Little.

I am heavy reminiscing about the homebirth of Little B. It is different from A's birth, I am always happy that she was born, I celebrate her entrance into this world, but I don't remember so fondly the way she came into it. After she was born people told me "you forget how bad it was when you see the baby." I don't think her birth was "bad" not after some of the stories I've read, but it was forgettable. Little B's birth on the other hand was amazing and this week I have been reliving it. As I walk thru my days, I try to remember how I spent the last days of pregnancy. Like my last prego dance class with Melinda and Natalie. I actually got to have lunch with Melinda on that anniversary and we talked about the year we've had and Little B's entrance into the world, which she was present for. Or how at around 5 o'clock today I remembered waking up from my last solo nap with A. As soon as I stood up from that nap my water broke. I remember taking my last solo picture with Little A too. She was so excited and anxious about her baby brother coming. We did our best to prep her about birth, I think she handled it well... I remember trying to sleep in between the contractions when they finally started around midnight. I remember getting our of bed when they ramped up sometime between 1 and 2:30. I remember calling Kei at some point and she said we should all keep sleeping till things took off but then she was at my door because she knew I wouldn't get back to sleep and she said neither could she. I remember letting Huz sleep for as long as possible because there was nothing he could do to help me thru the mild contractions, but on my life, when I finally did need him it was the only time he ever jumped up and was awake right away. I remember when Melinda got there, with her oils and her crystals and her loving energy. She rubbed my feet. and my back. and heated the water. and sang me songs... I remember getting into the tub and the amazing feeling of the water. Then I remember the transition, thinking "oh my god what was I thinking? i can't do this shit!" and I remember seeing Little A's face, fear and excitement meeting there. Having her near me was amazing. I could look into her eyes and know that this would be fine. Then I remember roaring my son earthside. I roared him here so hard my voice was hoarse for days. Then we named him. We gave him a name that matched his birthspace. A middle name to honor our family. A last name to honor his father.

My Little Baby is a year old tomorrow. I cannot belive it. really. He is almost walking. He shows interest in everything he can see. and hear. and touch. and put in his mouth. The light in his eyes is so bright and amazing. I can't belive he is here. I can't believe that I had a successful home birth. I can't believe that my son in One Year Old.

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