Can You Hear Me???

(from inside the kithenaid standing mixer box)
"Maaawm, can you hear me?"
"Yes, can you hear me?"
"Yeah, I'm trapped... I'm hiding from the penguins!"
"Oh no! Is our house overrun with penguins?"
"No, they are in the living room."

gap in conversation while she adjusts her position in the box...

"Where is my bammer? I have to get the sharks!"
"oh no, we have sharks AND penguins?!?"
"Did the penguins leave?"
"What? get the sharks!!! AAHAHHHH!!!"

"Mommy, they got me."

the end


Diaper Review #1 FuzziBunz One Size

Soooo... I love these.

First the pros- they are super adjustable. Not only do they have re-sizeable leg elastics BUT there is also an adjustable waist elastic. which means that to get the best leak protection around the waist you have both the snaps and the elastic in the back. I didn't even know they were there until the Man Child was big enough to fit right anyway. I really could have used this knowledge when I was ready to burn all my FuzziBunz because they were leaking out the waist. I love the pocket, you can add and subtract inserts for daytime and nighttime use. I have even been without a real insert of any brand so I used a pre-fold. And it rocked that bad shit! holla.
Oh AND they come with both a small insert for new borns and light wetters and a large insert for bigger babies. The Man Child has been on the large inserts for about a month and a half... he's 4 1/2 months old. AND they come with replacement elastics because the leg elastics wear out before any other part of the diaper. according to the website. because Man isn't really old enough to have worn out anything yet. and anytime a company voluntarily gives you replacement parts thats a bonus right?
Oh AND (I know right...) you don't have to change the dipes all the friggin time. Man and I can go every 2 hours, 1 1/2 sometimes... before a change.
Plus, they are really easy to wash. I get that question all the time, "oh but aren't cloth diapers suck to wash? i mean ew..." and I always say in my politest voice, "no, ass, all you do is throw them in the wash as follows- cold, short cycle. pre-wash solution optional. hot, heavy wash, with special cloth diaper soap. hot rinse. done."
"oh but doesn't that use a lot of water?"
"again, no (you're still an ass). it takes as much water as an adult who flushes the toilet every other time they go."
Plus being the awesome lazy mom that I am, I don't rinse my diapers before I put them into the washer. With Thirsties Pre-Wash and EBF (exclusively breast fed) baby poo, you don't really need to. But, I do plan on buying a sprayer when the Man Child stars eating real food.

Cons- I am pretty sure these dipes are made in China. So if you are looking for Made In America, these aren't your bag baby. Then there is the fact that they get that awful used micro-fleece smell. Not awesome. BUT super easy to fix- just add a little vinegar to the rinse cycle every other wash. Inserts only, though apparently the vin can ruin the PUL shell. and that would suck. Next, some people say that PUL wicks BUT if you toss it in the drier on HOT it will help re-seal the leaks. Also, it can be really hard to get all 6 snaps on right if your baby is having a really good time and playing the "kick-kick-kicking" game. a big fave in our house.

Over all I say "Hells yeah, buy them shits fo yo baby's shits!"

The Man-Child pre change.
"ah, mom. I'm a little pissed that my but is slightly moist. Deal with it. please."

Man-Child mid change
"Hells yeah, I can feel breeze on my bum. um Sweet!"

Man-Child post change.
"ahhhh, this is soooo nice. Soft fleece on my nether regions.
Now all I need is some boob and I'll be a happy bub!"

Diaper Inventory... or I Will Never Have Too Much Fluff!

FuzziBunz(R) One Size Cloth Diaper, for some reason 3 of them have 6 snaps on the front and 3 of them have an extra snap to fit to very small babies...
7 bumGenius! Organic Bamboo Fitted's

And laundry soaps we have tried-

The go-to night time diaper that I love LOVE is the BG bamboo fitted's and yay, way to go bum Genius! but they are no longer made. yay. The bamboo fitted's paired the Thirsties are the best. I still change the Man Child when he wakes up to eat but the Bean can go all night and she is a heavy wetter. I think it all comes down to the cover for her. I found that for K Bean, the Econobum covers don't hold diddley squat. I hope to try wool soakers for the Bean, those sound pretty good. 
If anyone who reads this has a line on the BG Bamboo Fitted's let me know. I love those things!


Amazing 3 Year Old Girl

Last time I was a big girl I was riding a horse in the water like that. A pink horse. Right?
                                                                                                                               -K Bean the Awesome


The Third Anniversary of My Daughter's Birth

Three years ago yesterday...
- the doctors hooked me up to a machine and told me I was contracting. "No, I'm not." said I.
- your Daddy and I went home to see grandma Paula and finish our packing for the hospital.

Three years ago this morning...
- at exactly 12 am, the first contraction hit like a fast ball to my tummy. We waited to see if the cantractions were coming regularly or if this was just a tease. They were regular and fast. We left for the hospital, I was calmer than your Daddy but he still drove like a bat out of hell, we didn't want to have you in the car.
-we got to the hospital and checked in. We saw the triage nurse who checked me and told me I was far enough along to stay. "Yeah, no kidding. This shit hurts and I am NOT going back home and coming BACK in the car!"
-we got our room which was surprisingly nice and they made me put on a stupid gown. They let your dad and I wander the halls of the birth wing and vocalize while I was in labor and transitioning. They kept checking me, I'd have to stop walking and moving so they could lay me down and see how dilated I was.
-I got to take a few showers and then they made me lay down on my back. They told me when I could and couldn't push. But I didn't listen.

At 8:30 am on December 11th, 2007 I pushed you out into the world. I couldn't belive I had done it. As soon as Daddy placed you in my arms I was in love. You changed my life in three hundred and fifty thousand wonderful and magical ways. At this 3 year anniversary of your birth, the first time I brought new life to this Earth, I have asked my self where I would be if I had made a different choice somewhere on my path. Every time I look back, I cannot find the choice I would change that would deprive me of you. You were two, and very hard to be with sometimes. We would fight, you would yell, I would yell, we would have tantrums. Then, inexplicably you would run of laughing, "I love you Mommy!!!"
Now you are three and I don't think things will change very fast. You will be willful and temperamental. You will be rough with The Man Child. But you will be helpful and eager and curious. You will be gentle with your brother. And then you will be four and I will miss my little 3 year old.
I love you and I would never change the choices I made that led me to you. You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and the reason I don't stay up all night blogging and knitting.
I love you.

Your first ride home. I was sooo impressed by the fact that I
could give birth and that you were the result of my effort.


Yay, 2 Glorious Mornings

So after my really sad, self-pitying morning yesterday, things really turned around. I think the Bean really picked up on my sadness and she did her best to cheer me up:

"Mommy, I'm gonna be the Mommy and you be the baby."
"oh, ok."
(in her 'nice mommy' voice) "Come here, Baby"
"Ok Mommy."
she reached out and pulled my head to her chest and started patting me on the neck.
"It's ok Baby. Don't be said, Mommy loves you."
"I love you too, Mommy."

She probably would have played a bit more but I had to get her ready for daycare, we were late. again. as always. It did give me time to stop and think about the example I set for her. She knows to comfort me when I am sad because I take the time to help her work through her emotions. She also knows that a great wat to get out of handing me things is to say in a very dramatic voice "Oh Mommy, I just can't... I'm sooo tired..." Again, it makes me think of my example. Now while I wish to improve what I show her I also don't want to be that mom who can do it all and everyone thinks she's amazing but is secretly in the back downing her kid's ridalin and setting an unachievable goal.
After I dropped K Bean off at daycare, I was sitting in my car still feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how I'm not doing "It" right. You know, that mythical parenting "It" with a capital I. Any way- feeling sorry, It, blah blah- when my dear friend Raintree called and asked if the Man Child and I wanted to walk with her and her little one. I could think of nothing, literally NOTHING, I would rather be doing so of corse I said "See you there!"
That walk was such a remedy for my soul. No matter what Raintree was been through, she is always so sunny and easy to talk to about everything. Sometimes I laugh at our mutual admiration society. She is amazed that I am raising 2 kids essentially by myself, and I can't imagine having my baby in the NICU and heart surgery at 4 months! She is so brave and driven to give her baby the best possible baby and child hood. Anyway, we talked about nothing and everything, really just looking at the coastline in this beautiful place we are lucky enough to live in. Walking in the wind and smelling the air really refreshed me. The rest of the day was soo smooth I almost didn't believe it was the same day as that morning!

The Man Child and Angel Baby. BFFs!

After we got home that night and the babies were asleep, I got a txt from a wonderful friend who sounded like she needed a good pick me up sooo- stayed up really late and baked cookies! ok- i wanted cookies too, lol. I made vegan, gluten free chocolate chip cookies and this morning, when we were all awake and done with our birthday chocolate chip pancakes (more about that in a moment) we packed up some cookies and delivered them to my friend and made her smile. I also finally delivered the finished binky straps to Origin and I hope to start up my Etsy shop soon.
OK so- birthday chocolate chip pancakes. My mom used to make us M&M pancakes on our birthdays when we were kids and now I get to do the same for mine! K Bean's birthday is this saterday! Unfortunately I have to work in the morning of her actual birthday so today seamed like as good a day as any for her special pancakes.
It all started because of a beautiful North Coast walk with an inspirational Mum and her magical Baby.

Big, Fat, Chunky, Huge Baby Hand...

Yeah, that's right. He is only 4 months old. Look at those man hands. He was born with big hands, like a puppy with bg paws.  I can't believe how friggin large those fingers are! Oh my god! I love him. Love him. Love him!


Discouraged or, Let Me Wallow In Self-Pity For Just A Moment

So it turns out that selling knits you made by following someone else's pattern is like a big no-no in the knit world. poo. What if I give massive credit to the book I got my patterns from and sell them cheeper? But it isn't like they are 100% by the book so to speak, the pattern was inspiration for other things yet to come... does it still count? I'm bummed.

I was getting really good hits on this darn blog and was starting to think of putting ads up as a way to generate revenue... then I posted that piece about Christians being so self-rightous. And my hits fell off almost completely. Or, maybe I haven't posted anything interesting since then. I just want everyone to know, I was talking about one guy in particular and making a general statement about the rest of the word. I do that when I get mad. Sorry. I got a great comment from someone who actually read that blog and she said what I was thinking, that not all christians are like that, there are more who are charitable, good folks who know what they believe and why. Thank M & L.

J Dub told me he didn't want to promote the blog anymore because he didn't want to mix his personal life with the folks on facebook. He actually said that he promote in Twitter because he "didn't know all of his followers." Wait, if you know who the people on facebook are and you DON'T want them knowing about your family, why is it better for people you don't know looking at us? I don't get it. I know that because he is in a certain industry he has to look available and I don't really let it bother me but it was nice knowing that he was proud enough to share the blog on his page...

I just have been feeling that typical high school feeling of "hey, you know, you might think you're cool. You might think things are looking up. But really? You aren't shit and nothing you do matters much."
I want to go back to bed, too bad I love Kaya and have to function for her...


Medicated and Motivated

This past year has been very hard for my man, my love. He has lost his sister and his closest most beloved friend, confidant, partner. In response to his saddness he has created this video series as a way to help himself and his family to understand and cope with his pain. In the process, he has touched many other lives, even getting emails from peaple he has never met telling him that his videos have saved their lives. Please watch and share. If you know any one who is feeling alone, I know these might be able to help. The first one helps get K Bean to bed peacefully on nights when she is missing her Daddy so bad she cant sleep.
I love you James.
RIP Kelain.

This artist, Chase, just found out he had lost his father.

This is dedicated to my husbands sister.



I feel like everything in my life is boiling down to too much 'same-ness' right now. I do the same thing every day- I care for my kids as best as I can, I clean (sort of), I prepare the same foods over and over. I write about the same things on my blog- struggling to raise my kids without shouting or timeouts, valuing their opinions and emotions, helping them cope with Daddy being gone all the time. I even knit the same things, although my little creations are super cute, the are the same. Always the same. J Dub comes home and we have the same fights, the same agreements, the same snuggles. K Bean cries about the same loneliness of missing her father and not getting enough time from me or not enough jelly sandwiches. Zenjamin, well, he's a baby so there isn't much going on there anyways...
K's 3rd birthday is coming up and that will be a few days of different, but not really. She told me she "just wants us" at her party. I had to lead her to invite my parents and brother... who she loves and some of her friends. I want to do something new and exciting but what? What can I do to break up the monotony of my daily life? It isn't that I don't love my life, my kids, my man... it's just that, well, I love chocolate but if I have (get?) to eat it everyday wouldn't I get sick? Or not love it anymore?
So what do you do to make your days go by with more fun, more adventure... more 'different'?