A while ago I had the revelation that parenting was like taking care of someone in a natural disater. You don't want FEMA showing up with guns, barking orders, making the situation worse... you want someone to come in and speak with calm authority and a gentle plan. But now that my Girl is going to be 4 I find that not everything that upsets her is because of some major crisis or disaster. Sometimes it is the result of me not choosing my words properly... The other day, she was sorting some awesome magnet toys by color when we had to get in the car to go to grandma's. She got her magnets on their board and climbed into her car seat. Here is a close re-telling of how the conversation went:

"ok, please put your magnets down on the seat so I can buckle you in."
"ok, not yet, i'm finishing."
"sweetheart, you can finish later"
"noooo nowwwww!!!!!" and so the tantrum and the struggle to get buckled began. About half way thru trying to strong arm her into her arm straps, it hit me. She thought that when I said later, I meant, well, later. So I stopped what I was doing to her, she yelled and was angry for a bit and then I began again.
"Sweetheart, do you think I will not let you have your crispy-cookies (that was the game with the magnets, i guess) back?"
"Well, what I meant to say was that as soon as you are buckled you can have your magnets back."
I went on to explain to her, after she was buckled with her magnets back safely in her lap, that sometimes mommy might say something that is good but it might not come out sounding like that. I told her that if she didn't like the sound of what I'm saying to ask me what the plan is. She seamed satisfied with that and then let it go. When we got back into the car to go home, she put her magnets on the seat next to her and said "I can have them back later when I'm buckled, right mommy?"
This morning, she asked me for a morning cartoon and I said no, not right now, maybe after lunch. She looked at me and said "What's the plan?" so I explained the simple version of my very busy day and came to the part where she could watch a movie after lunch. Well, she thru her fit anyway, and I sat with her and held her hand while she was upset. When the crying ended, she seemed to have forgotten about the movie and hasn't asked me since.

It is hard to be new to this world. She has such a greater understanding of the universe than anyone knows, but the language she possess isn't always enough for even the simplest communications. I try to take it one thing at a time, but it is so easy to get frustrated and bossy. I just keep telling her I love her no matter what and that even if we are sad today, tomorrow will be better.


18 Year Old Love

I recently went and saw the new Twilight Movie 4A with my dear friend, Pippi. It was fine, I guess. I'm honestly not a big fan of the movies, up until I saw the new one I think I had only ever seen the very first one. I will admit to reading the books. I'm not really a fan of those either, but at least they were books so I got to make up my own images in my head. I could go on and on about the lameness of the movie but the point is this: I am so glad I did not marry the man I was in love with at 18. Not because I didn't love him, or because we would have turned out horribly and destined to fail and all that but because I never would have found this One. This man. This silly, frustrating, sleeping-while-the-kids-do-god-knows-what man.
It is hard knowing that I love him no matter what. It is hard knowing that this man actually means so much to me that I refuse to put financial comforts before Us. Much to the frustration of my mother. It means that there are no ultimatums. No "If you don't make tons and tons of money I'll take the kids and move in with my parents!" Because a) if the 3 of us plus Isis tried to live there again it would suck like nothing else and b) I don't want to separate from him over money. I can't say "Since your'e not making the money I'll go get a job and put the kids in day care." Any job I would get (without a great deal of luck) would not pay me as much as hourly daycare for 2 kids. So, I'd have to go back on food stamps. Where now we are barley scraping by and we take no assistance from the government, if I were to go back to work, we would have to go back on government assistance. And also, my baby boy is still nursing!

That's right, the Little Baby Man Child has been nursing for 16 months! That is 2 months longer that with Little A... Oh! it's almost her birthday! Little A's Fourth Birthday. I think we will be having another Butterfly Party. Last year's was a Pink and Golden Tea Party and I guess this year's is going to be a Butterfly Princess Party. I'm really excited and will soon be trolling the internet and Pintrest for good Little Girl Birthday Ideas.

That's all the word vomit for now. I missed you. I feel like it has been forever. I still believe in the revolution. I love the world.

also, i miss melinda. but she'll be home soon!


It has been a long time since I sat down to write... 
The button on my track pad was not functioning for months... I blame the offspring. It probably got some sort of kid-goo in it. It seems to be working now which is good and brings me to the first in a long line of reasons why I have been neglecting this blog. 
I have not been able to place to windows on my screen so I could see a movie and type at the same time.

and now the baby is crying.


Huz leaves a lot. He is always on the way somewhere. Tonight he is on the way to Brazil to work with some Australian footballer, 60 minutes and Rohan Marley. I don't have any idea what those 3 things have in common. Some times, it is easier than others. Last time he left was the most peaceful good by I can remember... this one, not so much. His flight out got bumped forward because of the Quantas walk out. (good for them i guess, i hope the workers got what they needed to make their jobs better. huz says they already have great service...)So instead of having all day tomorrow to say good by to poppa they basically went to bed seeing him and they will wake up not seeing him. We tried to talk to them about it, but Little B is still so very baby-ish and A is only almost-four so they don't really understand... Although, I think Little A has a much better grasp on what is happening than we give her credit for...

This time is hard for me too. We had sort of a rough time this visit. He was only home for 5 days in between 2 week plus trips. That isn't enough time for the family to come back together and fall back into sync. Last time he was home was almost a whole month and it was amazing. We were really able to connect with each other and reconnect with the kids.

Any way, I wrote this while waiting for his laundry to finish, as soon as it is dry he's out the door.


More Politrix

People say "Occupy Wall Street is anti capitalist. Therefore, they are socialist."
I say "Are those my only two options?" I mean really. I LOVE my stuff. I can't say it enough. I heart the internet. I love having different stuff than other people. My mom loves stuff more than I do, and that is fine. Some people like more, some are satisfied with less. There has to be a middle -ism that accounts for the needs of the community, both local and global, and allows the business (including the owner, CEO, board, employees) to be successful. What I would love to see would be a company, say Starbucks, that gives it's employees a raise when it raises it's prices. If the cost of coffee beans goes up and they have to raise the price, ok, but if the cost of coffee beans goes up and the CEO takes home a record bonus while the baristas have to go out and get a second job... well, that's fucked up. In the future I would like to encourage these bonusees (is that a word? bonus receivers?) to take the money and divide it up amongst the employees. 

People say "Tax the rich MORE!" or "Tax the poor!" or "flat tax everybody!!!!"
I say "Why can't we all be taxed the same?" no, really, i don't get it... why can't every one be taxed the same percentage of income or something? 37% is still 37%...?

People say "american kids are lazy, this movement feels entitled."
I say "maybe, but we also know that manual labor is worth more than what most farms pay and we would love to work... for a wage that we can be proud of." I know tons of people who would LOVE to work on a farm, if that farm paid them enough to put food (much lulz) on their table and pay the bills. People who would be proud to make cars in America, if they made enough to buy one of their made in America cars. Why is that so hard to believe? It shouldn't be so hard for my husband and I to find work doing what we love. I would love to go back to work if the child care options in my community didn't cost me more than half I make as a waitress. I'm not saying that all jobs deserve the same wage or that all workers work the same or anything... There just needs to be more options for good work in this country than nurse, social worker, service, IT...

3 Proposals for Occupy Mendocino

1) write some sort of pledge to encourage politicians not to accept large corporate donations. like "I (insert name here) pledge to stand with the people of the USA against corporate greed and privileges by vowing not to accept more than (insert appropriate dollar amount here) from any major, non-local corporation." or something like that.

2) boycott corporations present in our community (safeway cvs starbucks) till we see the employees get a raise that is proportionate to the net profits of said corporation.

3) create a supply line of local vendors, craftsmen, farmers, truckers and the like to keep other major occupations well supplied and supported. let's not distract local media from this global issue by hogging our own little spotlight. let everything we do highlight the importance of this global movement. also, if possible lets raise money for local film, photog, journalist to travel to some of the other occupations and get GA facilitator training and info for our small, revolutionary community.


Yay! I went from spinning absolutly nothing for months to spinning over 500 yards in less than a month! I didn't count (or remember) all the singles and the 500 + includes like a bajillion yards of 2 ply. If that made any sense you deserve some kind of award. Thank you for reading.

Any way. The Boonville Fair just happened and it always has an amazing fiber festival! Jess took me and the kids to see the animals and so I could "check out" the fiber bestival. I even said "Jess please don't let me break my second $100." But with the entry and the food and the ride tickets, I sorta had to. so I did. and it was soooooo worth. It comes with a mini story... I have always been on the quest for a great yellow in yarn and it is always hard to find. I think yellow must be a hard color to get right. Melinda once told me she needs more yellow in her life. And so there it was, a beautiful maroon and yellow and purple braid of Polwarth roving. Just holding it I knew it was perfect. I have only ever spun various marino wool and silk, this polwarth is amazing...

ok, long break of about 2 days from writing that^^^

any way, I spun a lot this month. I picked up and knit something for the first time in a long time. I've been very pre-occupied by Occupy Wall Street. Little A is confusing me right now, I feel like I am on the verge of failing as her mother... but I sure do love her and that counts a whole bunch.

I wish I had pictures of my glorious yarn, there is a blue/purple merino blend 2 ply... tee hee. so soft and wonderful. and there is lots and lots of it. I'm not sure what to do about measuring it after I wash it. Should I get a swift and re niddy-noddy it and count that? or do I just have to go by weight? I wrote all the numbers that I remembered down on our white board but then we erased it to plan our top secret move to...?  Then there is that wonderful Polwarth. Yellow and maroon and wonderful. Even if I had a camera I doubt I could get the colors right. and it is so soft. and i love the way the color changes. Ooh! the color change, that reminds me. I don't want to ply the beautiful yarn back on itself and ruining the color change but I also don't want to knit it as a single... can I ply it with white yarn or... I dunno, I have a lot of it maybe I'll... play!


Passing this along: ====ANONYMOUS SPEAKS=====
This protest is NOT about yelling from the rooftops, chanting like drones, or being a nuisance to the world around. For this will only push people further away, and polarize our endeavors. This i...s about "occupying" a space for a cause. This is about bringing awareness by our presence alone - and waiting for that magical moment when heads turn and stares turn into question. Then you can either chose to speak eloquently about our reasoning behind the support of occupywallstreet or chose to remain silent and thus letting your Marker-Board speak for you. Do NOT allow these Hollywood Highly-Dramatized depictions of Protesting make a Mockery of You! We are engineers, architects, lawyers, contractors, officers, veterans, white collar, blue collar - and NOT a menace to society! Please handle the protest accordingly this Oct 6, 2011. Take space, Sit tight, and await for Opportunity -- Opportunity to Speak on behalf of the 99% - Anonymous



more Occupy Wall Street links


i love this link, a great pic of some little ones present at liberty park.

why some unions are getting behind the Occupy Movement.

more people getting behind the movement. http://action.workingfamiliesparty.org/p/salsa/web/thank_you_page/public/thankYou.sjs?thank_you_page_KEY=1788

every one has their own reasons and to people who would brush us aside they see this as a reason to dismiss us. the power of this is that we can bring every one who wants a better world in and give everyone a voice. i want the money out of healthcare. some want the money out of food or government. some want better social programs. some want an end to corporate personhood. the point of all these things, the issues every one has with this country seem to be boiled down to money and the way it is concentrated in our populace.


this has a link to a great video.



i feel almost as though i am letting occupy wall street become more important then my family. but i also feel like if i put it aside, others will also start putting it aside, and the peaceful revolution will fizzle out, like every other movement. i don't want that to happen. this is amazing and we can all do something to be involved in changing the worl. take your money out of the big banks. buy your food from local growers. speak to them with money and they will hear us. this is for my children's future. i really honestly believe that. but does that make it more important than them? i don't think so. but how do i balance it?


some good links for occupy wall street



http://www.nycga.cc/ for some reason none of the links on the page work for me but i love reading the declaration.





Political Life Rant... or Occupy Wall Street

So, I've been following this movement called Occupy Wall Street for the last few days. If you don't know what I'm talking about read here......
K. did you read it? great, now here is the list of demands, read this too...
K, got it? Good. Read on

It amazes me that so few people see this as potentially the most world changing thing to happen in a long time. Every single thing is the world, everything. like all the things, is effected by the things that happen and get traded on Wall Street. Everything from food to nature to plastic to thoughts to breastfeeding is hurt or made rich by what happens there. Yes I did say breastfeeding. Every mother who has ever been told by a medical professional to use formula should get behind this movement. Every mother who ever felt bullied out of breast feeding by formula ads should be with this movement. This movement's call to end the corporate personhood of people will finally end formula the apparent ease companies seem to have when confronted with, oh i dunno, bug parts in their product. By taking Wall Street out of medicine many doctors will be free to heal people and continue to learn about the human body without the long fingers of the corrupt insurance and pharmaceutical companies in their pockets all the time. I don't think this will lead to total collapse unless it is handled wrong, I do think that with the all the medical and technological advances that have been made this will lead to better health and better quality of life than ever before. We don't need to rework everything, the root system is our financial system and if we fix that, everything else will fall into place.

Occupy Wall Street
Occupy the Hospitals
Occupy La Leche Legue
Occupy the World


this morning started off sucky and is now bleeding into the afternoon. now i think i need some advile. why is it that some days are amazing, enough days in a row go well that you start thinking, "hmmm, i must be on a roll. this is nice." then with no warning things stop going well. it isn't like they become horrible, but that lovely glow the previous days left you with sort of vanishes. it gets sapped out of you slowly. i guess the day just needs that positive energy more than i do.

but at the very same exact time as my energy gets sapped by this day and the children threaten my sanity, the world is a beautiful place. everything is as it should be to reach the next step of human evolution. and the souls that entrusted their physical care to me are, simply put, perfect.


Peaceful Parent and Child Raising Rambles...

I made it a point not to read parenting or birth books. at all. ever. ok, except for the Depak Chopra birth book during my second pregnancy, because Amy said it was great. I never finished it. Turns out, I didn't need to birth my first or my second babies. I didn't want some author presuming to know me or my future offspring. I didn't want to read some "when your child mis behaves in the market you must use your firm voice to explain blah blah blah." Who's to say my kids will misbehave in the market? What is misbehavior anyway? My 3yo has no clearer notion of why you can't cry for new shoes than my 1yo crying for Boobahs Nunu. She does not mean for her sadness to annoy the other people in the shoe store.

When I was a dancer I used to say "I hate Mary. I hate her and I will never take class from her again." Up until a few years ago, I think still hated her. People, like my mom, would tell me that it is not good to hate. My response was "Hate is a natural emotion given to us so that we might use it to avoid people or things that do not serve our life positively." I feel the same way about the sadness and disappointment Little A felt about not getting new shoes. I have yet to hear of a book that embraces childhood feelings as normal healthy things to be explored and respected not shushed and ignored.

Amy and a friend of hers both recommend Hold onto Your Kids as a revolutionary approach to raising kids. So I have decided to read it. I ordered it from Amazon on Friday, so hopefully it will be here soon. I also have heard good things about How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen etc. and so I ordered that too. There are a few FaceBook pages I go to when I really need guidance with Little A and so far with Little B I have learned to just let him be. He is learning about happiness and hunger and fun and waves and everything all at once and it is amazing. There are no crises with a nursing 1yo. Most of his problems can still be fixed with a boob in the face or a good momma snuggle... or a nap. Little A on the other hand really needs me to listen to her, to mirror her emotions and help her find the root cause behind it.

I have also noticed that as I become more myself, my relationship with A becomes smoother. When I am rested and have had time for meditation or a ritual, Little A is also much calmer and more ready to do what needs to be done. As I find my own feet I see her find hers too because she has a momma who knows where she stands. Our children are reflections of us not our parenting styles. I want my children to reflect me as the perfected one I strive to become, the perfected one that I am and the perfect one I have been since the beginning of time.


Spinspiration Presents Woolly Wednesday?

So I haven't really done any spinning in months. like months and months. I guess it was summer and warm and I didn't want to be in doors surrounded by wool. sweaty right? So last night, I finally sat down with my wheel and 2 half full bobbins of matching (or so i thought... dun dun dun) singles. I thought it would be nice and simple to just ply these together to get back into the spin (ha!) of things. yeah well, not so much. Turns out I had spun one bobbin S and the other Z. yay. sooooo, I decided to ply them any way. awesome. It looks very silly on the niddy noddy, but the plan is to just crochet it into my crazy blanket. It was really nice to sit and treddle for a while, even if I did do it all types of "wrong." lol.

A lot has happened for my little family this summer. We are in a very good space as far as emotions and connection within the family... but we're still broke. yay.
but now my kids want me to play, so I'm off!



guess what, I am in a happy place. I was just walking thru the hallway having a very loud discussion with my 3yo about poo and it hit me: it really doesn't matter what happens next, because right now, putting my one foot in front of the other, I am happy. In fact, this moment is pure bliss. I can start to think about the things that make us sad... daddy is gone again, australia... maybe a few months. But I have one very clean room in my house, my bills are caught up, I'm well on my way to having enough to pay rent and it isn't even next month yet! I have two of the most amazing children in the whole world and... today I am a great mother.


Pro Smokers. Anti Jerks

i don't think smoking should be made illegal. You see, I love to smoke. As in LOVE. I love the nicotine high, I love the feeling of the sweet smoke in my lungs. I just think smoking is the bees knees. If someone told me that American Spirit invented a loose leaf tobacco that had zero effect on the environment and left no second or third or 18th hand smoke, I would be first in line. But that is just the thing, I know how bad it is for everything so I keep myself away from it. I would never put my children or anybody else's in that position. When I was young(er) and hella punk rock and anarchist(er) I smoked all the time. I remember walking past families with kids and doing one of three things- sometimes I would put my cigertte out, sometimes I would hold it up above the kids heads or cross the street, sometimes I would be so punk I didn't give a shit. Fuck yeah! but not really. It all comes down to that for me. If you are a smoker and feel like this ban on smoking out doors in Sanoma County is infringing on your rights to destroy yourselves (which it is), be considerate. If you are going to smoke where there might be other non-smoking people, do your best not to be a jerk. Step away, put it out for a second, cross the street. Our rights depend on us respecting the rights of others. If we want a society free of government we need to have the capacity to self govern. That means being responsible for yourself and respectful of others. It also means not getting all types of butt hurt if some minor shit doesn't always go the way you wanted.

Respect yourself
Respect others
Respect Mother Earth


Friends and Moving...

I just stopped to see Helen and I was trolling an artist friend of mine's facebook page when it hit me... I have so many beautiful friends. Some I can call on for help, some I might not be as close to but still love having them in my life. The thing is, I can go anywhere and I will always have people who love and inspire me. I like seeing my friends, I like being able to hug them all the time, but if we go a few days or a year (i'm crying inside right now... melinda is leaving... but that is for another post) we will still love each other. Some friends feel like it has been 10 minutes since you last spoke but in reality it has been weeks, some friendships take their time returning before the jokes flow and a common ground is reestablished but that doesn't mean it isn't there. Some friends have been around for ever some are new, but they are all mine. If we go thru with the RV thing, I really hope to come out of my shell and find new friends. We always talk about building a community but I think we have been too narrow minded with our definition. We don't have to have all of our friends in one place and just because we leave doesn't mean we aren't coming back. I love it here, but I think it is time for something new.


Juice and the Naughty Duck

When I was little, maybe 3 ish, my parents took me to see an uncle. While we were there my uncle was going on and on about how he hated the Juice. All the Juice. He said the Juice were taking the jobs and other such Juice hatery. Well, since I am an equal opportunity Juicest, I would have non of that talk. Sp I declared, "i love the juice. I love the grape Juice and the apple Juice and the orange Juice. I love aaaaalllll the Juice." Well, I can tell you we never spent much time with that Juice hater.

In the same vein I'm pretty sure Little A just called me a Nazi Duck.

posted from Bloggeroid


This Time Last Year...

... my water had already broken but there were no contractions yet.
... Jenna had come by to check on us and make sure she had time for dinner.
... I had already called everyone and told them that by tomorrow there would be a new baby in my house.
... the last bedtime with Little A being our only Little.

I am heavy reminiscing about the homebirth of Little B. It is different from A's birth, I am always happy that she was born, I celebrate her entrance into this world, but I don't remember so fondly the way she came into it. After she was born people told me "you forget how bad it was when you see the baby." I don't think her birth was "bad" not after some of the stories I've read, but it was forgettable. Little B's birth on the other hand was amazing and this week I have been reliving it. As I walk thru my days, I try to remember how I spent the last days of pregnancy. Like my last prego dance class with Melinda and Natalie. I actually got to have lunch with Melinda on that anniversary and we talked about the year we've had and Little B's entrance into the world, which she was present for. Or how at around 5 o'clock today I remembered waking up from my last solo nap with A. As soon as I stood up from that nap my water broke. I remember taking my last solo picture with Little A too. She was so excited and anxious about her baby brother coming. We did our best to prep her about birth, I think she handled it well... I remember trying to sleep in between the contractions when they finally started around midnight. I remember getting our of bed when they ramped up sometime between 1 and 2:30. I remember calling Kei at some point and she said we should all keep sleeping till things took off but then she was at my door because she knew I wouldn't get back to sleep and she said neither could she. I remember letting Huz sleep for as long as possible because there was nothing he could do to help me thru the mild contractions, but on my life, when I finally did need him it was the only time he ever jumped up and was awake right away. I remember when Melinda got there, with her oils and her crystals and her loving energy. She rubbed my feet. and my back. and heated the water. and sang me songs... I remember getting into the tub and the amazing feeling of the water. Then I remember the transition, thinking "oh my god what was I thinking? i can't do this shit!" and I remember seeing Little A's face, fear and excitement meeting there. Having her near me was amazing. I could look into her eyes and know that this would be fine. Then I remember roaring my son earthside. I roared him here so hard my voice was hoarse for days. Then we named him. We gave him a name that matched his birthspace. A middle name to honor our family. A last name to honor his father.

My Little Baby is a year old tomorrow. I cannot belive it. really. He is almost walking. He shows interest in everything he can see. and hear. and touch. and put in his mouth. The light in his eyes is so bright and amazing. I can't belive he is here. I can't believe that I had a successful home birth. I can't believe that my son in One Year Old.

This Moment

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -Amanda Soule


Summer Gardening and Happy Breastfeeding Week!

Our family has been extra busy out in our family garden at my parents place. The  Littles are having an amazing time out in the dirt helping water. Little B is having an amazing time eating fresh raspberries and fresh dirt. Lots and lots of dirt. But thats ok, it is soooo good for him to get some organic dirt germies in his gut and then get them flushed out by the amazing liquid commonly referred to as breast milk. 

Hey! Did you know it is International Breastfeeding Week. Or something like that. Any way (I'm a super great lactivist right? lol), if you don't already do this crazy stuff, next time you see a mother out nursing her child, smile at her (but not in like a creepy way, a nice way. good job), do your best to make her feel as comfortable as can be. Nursing mothers don't get enough credit in American society. Our society does its best to make us feel awful for choosing to what our body is made to do. I know breast milk is the best thing for my son. You know that breast milk is the best thing for your child. It is well known but still American women are afraid of it. Afraid that it might be uncomfortable. or that maybe it wont work and they wont make enough milk. that their boobs will sag (who does that? seriously? who would chose looks over their child's well being?). afraid of what the neighbor will think. Why are we so afraid of these things? I had no idea there was anything to be worried about. I knew that babies get mother's milk and thats that. When I had Little A we had to be pretty firm that this is what we were going to do. I told the nurses in no uncertain terms not to wake me or the baby every 3 hours for a feed, she will be fed when she tells me she is ready. Some of the nurses were really confused when we said she would "tell" me when she was ready to eat (I hadn't heard of feeding on demand or on cue or what ever). But that was it. That was the most adversity I have had to face in both my breastfeeding journeys. I know a few people who have negative stories and I know a few people who chose formula and still don't really understand why. I also have friends with amazing breast feeding stories, like my faerie god-sister come to earth, Raintree. She got the Dairy Queen award when her daughter was in the NICU and even after months of not being able to nurse, her daughter latched successfully within the first few attempts. 

And the point of the breast friendly rant was ... something awesome. 

Helping the tomatoes get tall!



So, I've decided that part (if not all) of the issue I'm having with my bike is the extra weight I've been towing. There might be another issue, but right now the Littles are having anamazing rest while I sit in the sun waiting for Poppa.

posted from Bloggeroid

Poppa Is Home and Life Makes Sense Again...

at least it would if I were also 3 years old. The Huz and the Littles are playing blocks in the living room and it sounds as if they were making a stage. cool. It gives me time to post some pics and talk about our summer.
Rolls Royce Owners Club Annual Picnic. My parents have been going to this thing for years and this year they thought it would be fun to bring the kids. It was... ish. The man who owns the vineyard where the picnic is held put blue dye in the water to make it this blue color that is supposed to stop algae from growing by blocking out the light. It is also supposed to be organic and safe for swimming... I thought it looked toxic. 

There is also a scale model train that goes around the lake and people ride on it. So there were all types of boojy type older folks riding around on this hilarious little train with their wine and their billion dollar hobby cameras. And there goes my mom and Little A. Fun times.

One of the engines. I think there were 3 different engines all together. It was pretty cool.

We have had lots of fun playing with our very good friend, Lil Pip. Both girls are learning how to be a good big sister, Pippi Sock Momma had her new baby about 2 months ago!

There have been movies...

and lots of dancing!

Oh and by the way, Little B is walking! ok sorta... ok not really. But he stands up and likes to walk around holding his sisters hand. And now the family needs me, they want mommy monster to come find them. 
here i come to find my family!

I will post more pics of the dance recital and our beautiful garden and beaches and rivers and whatever else I find. peace out.


Blog Blah Blah

Something has happened... maybe it is just the long days of summer. Something has put me off my writing and spinning and knitting and what not. Our house has been cleaner than ever, not as clean as I'd like it, but much cleaner that it normally is, and I play with the kids a lot more. Last July was so eventful... my last month of being pregnant with Little B, camping, dance, my birthday... it all flew by in a whirl. This year seams to just be creeping along. My birthday was sort of blah. I did get the best gift ever though, Lil got me a beautiful book about natural dies. I've been reading it cover to cover, every time I go anywhere I look at the plants growing on the side of the road and wonder if it is a die plant. Speaking of going places, Mom and I took the Littles to see my Grandma and Aunt Colleen. We had a good time. I was able to get new clothes for myself, something I haven't really done in a looonnngggg time. Being a new mom can do that to you. Now I feel more comfortable with my role as mother, and since Little B's amazing birth I've been getting more and more happy and (dare I say eager?) about my days as Mommy.

I feel like our family is still in the same place we were last year... a bit more settled and I don't really want to settle here. I want to travel with my family, RV it around and see people. I want to move to a place with land, where we can have a garden and animals. I have a secret dream of becoming a homesteading family... with a globe trotting Poppa... lol... ahhh I love my huz. 

Well, I don't know when I'll sit down and write again, I've already been awake too long. Maybe soon. I was hoping to get more hits this July than last year, but it doesn't look like that'll happen tho ;)



I've been so bent on rebuilding my home into a place I want to be. A place that is safe and welcoming for my kids and their friends, because Little A actually has friends who want to come over and play. Over the last week or so, I've been taking things out of the cupboards and cabinets, sorting them into 'garage sale' or 'trash/recycle' or keep. I even cleaned out and consolidated the junk drawers (yes, 2 junk drawers) into one  Awesomely Useful Stuff Drawer. I want to improve the quality of our lives and it has taken me a while to see that I don't to be rolling in dough to make that happen. I just need to focus.

I've been making a ton of "List of 100" lists. The theory is that the first 30 are the "Duh" ideas that float around and get in the way of all your subconscious ideas, the next 40 are the less obvious ideas- this is where your brain really starts digging, getting things out to make way for the final 30, the place of idea gold. I still haven't made a list longer than I think 54 ideas but the cool thing is it helps me see what really needs to be done. Just getting the most Duh ideas out of head onto paper makes like a window in my thoughts and I can see thru to the gold. Like cleaning out my junk drawer. And putting the art supplies into the new empty space. and moving the kitchen toys to where the art supplies were. and so on. It feels really good to purge the house, de clutter the space. I've even managed to maintain both the kitchen and the bedroom in a somewhat tidy space for a few days. Trust me people this huge. Having a mostly tidy house is great for the kids to play, I don't have to worry too much about Little B putting things in his mouth and the choking to death while I'm in another room. That would suck. Oh! but you wanna know started all this in the first place?

I found Little B on the dining table. Lets say that again- I found Little B on the dining table. I came back into the kitchen and some how my 10 month old son (he was 10 mos then, now he's 11 mos) had climbed up onto a chair onto the table. He has also tried to get up on the counter because the tapatio must look mighty delicious. or something.

Any way, we are in a great emotional space (although i did just snap at Little A, i just want to finish this darn post) for the first time in months, my pergo hormones are returning to a less sad level and I am spending more time away from the screen and with my kids instead. So now, I'm done. I'm going to go apologize to my little loves for not focusing on them then I'm gonna make some pancakes and enjoy time with my babies.


Tempra Fucking Paint

i don't like the draft function of blogger and i want something more practical than my notebook to jot things down in... isn't that sad? the lap top... all technology really is taking over the way we communicate.  i wonder how long it would take- how many decades? generations?- to forget how to write with a pen...? it has occurred to me just now that A never really seas me write or hold a pen for pleasure.

One of the things I have wanted to do for a while now is really get into multi media journaling. i want to make it into something we can do together while B is napping or playing. i have one started, it was born out of this wish to do more writing with her. there are a few supplies in the kitchen...

let's see
water color paint / brushes
lots and lots of paper
there are fucking goddam crayons all over the darn place
glitter on the mantle
tempera paint... i really dislike tempera fucking paint. (notice the avoidance of the word hate- do that more in daily life. cussing is whatever but saying you hate things is real magic and energy going out into the world sphere and we need more you know love and shit.)
there is fabric and some dyes
wool that needs to be dyed.
oooh! project idea! find native local dye plants. get picture. go find. dye wool! ha! idea!!! 
oh yeah! we also have rubber letter stamps but no ink... hmmm, is there a way i could put the tempera paint into a sponge or something? (notice lack of the word "like" as in "like a sponge or something". another thing to stop doing in real life. you sound 12. knock it off.)


My Little Education Plan

Check out Owlet for her awesome Unschool Monday posts. So many cool ideas on how to work with your kids so that they can learn for themselves.

-large lot in town with a great yard and a nice old house. lots of space for a food garden, some fruit trees, a natural playscape and some animals.
-rotating roster of tutors and mentors for the students to ask questions and get inspiration from.
-sort of a waldorf style unschooling headquarters...
-i want my children to be able to follow the things that intrest them but have the guidance they need to get a well rounded view on whatever topic it is that they chose.

The thing I worry about with going all full out unschool style is what happens when the kids want to study something specific like, I dunno, solar rocket space powered energy time booster science or astrophysics? I can't help them learn that... and I don't really know where to point them to find it. Or what if they want to study something abstract like interpretive greek theater or philosophy. What happens when the knowledge they seek surpasses my own understanding? 

That is why I like the idea of having a place, a central location, to go to when they need guidance. A place where mentors and other kids can come together and share the projects they are working on and see other kids who are leading their own education. I love the ideas of mentors and tutors. Mentors to help in a specific skill like growing food, raising animals, solar rocket space powered energy time booster science. Tutors to help them follow the path in and out of subjects, to keep the flow from one interest to the next smooth and fun. Say Little A wants to learn about preserving food and all she knows about is how to make blackberry jam (mmm i can't wait to make jam with the kids). I would love someone who can help her delve into how the proccess works in jarring/canning (you know, the science behind the pectin and whatnot). Then maybe flows into dried food and salt perserving and I dunno... other ways to preserve food. Maybe that leads to an interest in mummification which leads to egyptian studies. I have no idea how to help her follow that path. I would love a person who can follow that lead with help finding resources, people, you know- learning type stuff.

I feel like if I were my kids sole source of information they might get a bit of a skewed world view. 


Happy Home

Soooo.... Huz is home again, yay! Our family has undergone an amazing transformation. I can say with confidence that we have more happy, positive moments and days than negative. We are still broke, still on food stamps but right now, those things don't matter. We are happy. A while ago, I was depressed and lonely. I hadn't yet found my place as a stay-at-home-just-me-and-2-Littles mom. Now things are looking amazing. My kids are both healthy and happy, we play more and I stress less, I fix good food more and clean less (I found a rhythm...). Sure there are still moments when I wish I could sell my kids on e-bay (kidding) but lately it seams they have been few and far between. We are happy and it is amazing.

I read this interesting post on one of my new favorite blogs about being afraid of sharing your happy times, when you are in a content space. She talks about being in a sad space in your own life and then reading about some one else's happiness, how sometimes that can make your world just look more bleak. I sooo know how that is. "Why can't I have what they have?" you know? But just as I think we moms need to be more open about our struggles, we need to share our triumphs and our small smiles also.

We have had so many small smiles, gentle happinesses that have filled our days lately. Huz has been home in and out a lot lately. It is Spring Dance Concert time, Little A is in her first big dance recital and it is my first time being a backstage mom. Little B is so close to walking I am actually about to baby proof my house. for the first time. ever. They have both been playing and laughing together a lot and it warms my heart to see them. Tons of time spent outdoors- the beach, the garden, long walks around town (I have another great Around The Garden post coming). My father's knee replacement went very well and he is home recovering. And Huz's mom's heart surgery went well and she is also recovering. Oh and my dear friend Pipi had her baby at home 2 weeks ago! We are happy!!!! I hope you are happy too and if you are sad like I was, I promise- it will get better! I love you.

My first ever 3 ply.

Baby Zoe's welcome earth side yarn.

My classy way of drinking tea.

Love this Little. I think this is the best picture of Little B ever.

From inside the cupboard "He can't find me Mommy!!!" 

Exact same spot on the beach about a week later. The creek changed course and the waves washed way up the beach and put sand where there hadn't been sand. My youngest brother and some of his friends from college came to visit and they played with the kids in the sand for the whole day. By the time we left they had a pit so deep it held water and you couldn't Little A's head when she was standing in the bottom!

Playing together in the garden.

Dancing with friends in the dressing room at dress rehearsal.


Around the Garden

This is supposed to be a thursday thing and here it is almost saturday. Oh well.

Farmama does a great ...blog roll?... weekly ritual...? thing every thursday called Around The Farm (or Garden) in which she encourages readers to post weekly pics of their kitchens. kidding. Any way... the kids and I do not yet have our own garden to post pictures of but we have my mom's and I have a new phone that takes great pictures. I have collected a few shots from our little patch of earth to share today... Enjoy.

June rain on the poppies. 

Herb going to seed. I say "herb" because I am awesome and have no idea. I know my mom cooks with it and it is delicious and I know we want it to go to seed so we can grow it again. because it tastes amazing.

Those two little buds might one day be kiwis... But you know, the reproductive system of  kiwis can be very tricky... we came close last year. We almost had really yummy eating grapes too!

The Orchard

My dad totally rocks the welding hot sauce and made my mom this vulture to keep out... what? like road kill or something? Who knows, it doesn't matter, this thing is hot shit. Now that my dad is retired maybe he'll become an artist againg (my theory is that he had to quit art to take over his dad's industrial design buisness. now that he is no longer working for the man (himself) and focuses on art maybe he'll leave me and my family alone about the whole starving artist thing.)

Speaking of starving artist, stay tuned for my first batch of yarn to pop up on etsy!


Safe Space Sunday.

Today I would love to hold a safe space for all mothers who are nearing their birthing time. In honor of my dear friend, Pippi, who's EDD is coming up, I want to project positive, loose, earth, birth, woman power into the universe. Tonight, while I spin the rest of the yarn for Littlest Pip, I will focus my thoughts on this soft and gentle birth energy. I hold in my mind a picture of a the perfect, gentle homebirth and I will keep the thought present until the week is out and Pippi's baby has come into the world.

If you have a friend who is getting ready for her birth and would like to hold collective Safe Birth space with me, feel free to leave a comment with as many details as you want.


Family. Closer Every Time.

I'm lying in the dark on my new phone, practicing using the swype feature and nursing Little B. Tricky tricky.

I have really been thinking about the way my Little family interacts with the Universe. And the way we e exist as a unit. With the Huz home we have had a way more coherent group. There have been moments of rest and quiet that I never really have gotten to experience before. Having two parents really makes going out in the world easier, no matter what the activity might be. As a family we have been able to do so much more this past two weeks. Trips to the beach, lots of playtime with family and friends, shopping and even some sacred mommy-daughter time.

Little A and I have had few moments together since Little B was born. With Huz home, A and I have gone to the bakery, the market, a walk and for ice cream. Having that time together has really gone a good way toward strengthening my relationship with my daughter. It is amazing how big a difference having Huz here has made. Now he is getting ready to leave again, but I really look forward to watching our family dynamic grow and change and mature.

posted from Bloggeroid


posted from Bloggeroid

Testing 3 2

posted from Bloggeroid

Testing 2 2

Ok so here i am trying to post from
my new phone. Does it work?

posted from Bloggeroid


Spinspiration Presents Woolly Wednesday- Spinning in the Sun

Spinning Submarine Mystery Wool Roving (?) on my new Ashford Traditional Wheel. Turns out I have been knitting for about a year and spinning for maybe 4 months (?). I love spinning! It is amazing how relaxing it is when I have a chance to spin for more than a few minutes at a time. While I was spinning, my babies were doing this:

Thanks to my amazing man for these beautiful pics!


Jughandle State Park - Beach

The walk down to Jughandle Beach is a little bit a of a trek (a very little). It is a steep stair case down the hill-almost-cliff thru an amazing tree branch tunnel and down on to the beach. It was starting to get cold but the whole family wanted to go do something and this sounded like the best idea. We packed some snacks and blankets and dry towels and the beach toys and away we went. Wade-o and Little A were already down at the beach but Little B and I ran back to the car to get the camera. He is secure in his baby masculinity so his Papa let him wear Sissy's hat lol.

The cool thing about JH beach is that is pretty sheltered from the wind that comes in the afternoon here these days. There is a little creek that runs down the side of the beach that is where we let the Littles play... it isn't as cold as the Pacific Ocean lol. Little B lovvveees the taste of sand for some reason, all I know is I need to keep him full of that sweet nectar to kill whatever bacteria live in the sand and creek and ocean that he might be getting... it works so far.

We ended up walking a bit up the creek to a more sheltered place under the bridge where the  creek cuts away from the beach and goes into the forest a bit more. Both my Littles love being outside in nature. The glory of living in NorCal is that the weather has to try pretty hard to keep us in. It is always tricky getting our things and our selves ready to go outside and play, especially by myself, but when Papa is home nothing can stop us! Fortunately, the wind wasn't really getting to us until we had been there for a few hours.

Here is Little B coming back to Momma because he was cold and needed a quick snuggle to get warm again. He would play hard in the water till his little butt turned red then come crawling back to me full speed to be wrapped up in his soft blankly, sit in my lap and nurse.

But then Papa would come over to take his pic and he would get all types of distracted. "Hi Daddy! I'm having sooo much fun! I'm just getting a snack so I'll be right back to play some more!"

Little A and Papa went exploring a bit, but the sand ends and gives way to the forest and they both                                need shoes for that type of adventure.

Boobie Smush Face Water Bottle Style. lol. He was soo tired but didn't want to sleep. Just wanted to rub his cold little face against his best friend while the rest of us got ready to go home. We had been by the creek for hours and the wind was finally starting to make us toooo cold. Although I'm sure the Littles would have stayed until it got dark.

washing hands and feet before walking back to the car.

Good By creek! Thanks for letting us play here!!!

Jughandle Park is an amazing place and it is on the state wide list of parks that will be closed. I am making it my mission to get to as many parks slated to be closed as I can. I'll be there with kids and man in tow because some of these place are part of my childhood and some are places I have never visited until I had kids.