Can You Hear Me???

(from inside the kithenaid standing mixer box)
"Maaawm, can you hear me?"
"Yes, can you hear me?"
"Yeah, I'm trapped... I'm hiding from the penguins!"
"Oh no! Is our house overrun with penguins?"
"No, they are in the living room."

gap in conversation while she adjusts her position in the box...

"Where is my bammer? I have to get the sharks!"
"oh no, we have sharks AND penguins?!?"
"Did the penguins leave?"
"What? get the sharks!!! AAHAHHHH!!!"

"Mommy, they got me."

the end


Diaper Review #1 FuzziBunz One Size

Soooo... I love these.

First the pros- they are super adjustable. Not only do they have re-sizeable leg elastics BUT there is also an adjustable waist elastic. which means that to get the best leak protection around the waist you have both the snaps and the elastic in the back. I didn't even know they were there until the Man Child was big enough to fit right anyway. I really could have used this knowledge when I was ready to burn all my FuzziBunz because they were leaking out the waist. I love the pocket, you can add and subtract inserts for daytime and nighttime use. I have even been without a real insert of any brand so I used a pre-fold. And it rocked that bad shit! holla.
Oh AND they come with both a small insert for new borns and light wetters and a large insert for bigger babies. The Man Child has been on the large inserts for about a month and a half... he's 4 1/2 months old. AND they come with replacement elastics because the leg elastics wear out before any other part of the diaper. according to the website. because Man isn't really old enough to have worn out anything yet. and anytime a company voluntarily gives you replacement parts thats a bonus right?
Oh AND (I know right...) you don't have to change the dipes all the friggin time. Man and I can go every 2 hours, 1 1/2 sometimes... before a change.
Plus, they are really easy to wash. I get that question all the time, "oh but aren't cloth diapers suck to wash? i mean ew..." and I always say in my politest voice, "no, ass, all you do is throw them in the wash as follows- cold, short cycle. pre-wash solution optional. hot, heavy wash, with special cloth diaper soap. hot rinse. done."
"oh but doesn't that use a lot of water?"
"again, no (you're still an ass). it takes as much water as an adult who flushes the toilet every other time they go."
Plus being the awesome lazy mom that I am, I don't rinse my diapers before I put them into the washer. With Thirsties Pre-Wash and EBF (exclusively breast fed) baby poo, you don't really need to. But, I do plan on buying a sprayer when the Man Child stars eating real food.

Cons- I am pretty sure these dipes are made in China. So if you are looking for Made In America, these aren't your bag baby. Then there is the fact that they get that awful used micro-fleece smell. Not awesome. BUT super easy to fix- just add a little vinegar to the rinse cycle every other wash. Inserts only, though apparently the vin can ruin the PUL shell. and that would suck. Next, some people say that PUL wicks BUT if you toss it in the drier on HOT it will help re-seal the leaks. Also, it can be really hard to get all 6 snaps on right if your baby is having a really good time and playing the "kick-kick-kicking" game. a big fave in our house.

Over all I say "Hells yeah, buy them shits fo yo baby's shits!"

The Man-Child pre change.
"ah, mom. I'm a little pissed that my but is slightly moist. Deal with it. please."

Man-Child mid change
"Hells yeah, I can feel breeze on my bum. um Sweet!"

Man-Child post change.
"ahhhh, this is soooo nice. Soft fleece on my nether regions.
Now all I need is some boob and I'll be a happy bub!"

Diaper Inventory... or I Will Never Have Too Much Fluff!

FuzziBunz(R) One Size Cloth Diaper, for some reason 3 of them have 6 snaps on the front and 3 of them have an extra snap to fit to very small babies...
7 bumGenius! Organic Bamboo Fitted's

And laundry soaps we have tried-

The go-to night time diaper that I love LOVE is the BG bamboo fitted's and yay, way to go bum Genius! but they are no longer made. yay. The bamboo fitted's paired the Thirsties are the best. I still change the Man Child when he wakes up to eat but the Bean can go all night and she is a heavy wetter. I think it all comes down to the cover for her. I found that for K Bean, the Econobum covers don't hold diddley squat. I hope to try wool soakers for the Bean, those sound pretty good. 
If anyone who reads this has a line on the BG Bamboo Fitted's let me know. I love those things!


Amazing 3 Year Old Girl

Last time I was a big girl I was riding a horse in the water like that. A pink horse. Right?
                                                                                                                               -K Bean the Awesome


The Third Anniversary of My Daughter's Birth

Three years ago yesterday...
- the doctors hooked me up to a machine and told me I was contracting. "No, I'm not." said I.
- your Daddy and I went home to see grandma Paula and finish our packing for the hospital.

Three years ago this morning...
- at exactly 12 am, the first contraction hit like a fast ball to my tummy. We waited to see if the cantractions were coming regularly or if this was just a tease. They were regular and fast. We left for the hospital, I was calmer than your Daddy but he still drove like a bat out of hell, we didn't want to have you in the car.
-we got to the hospital and checked in. We saw the triage nurse who checked me and told me I was far enough along to stay. "Yeah, no kidding. This shit hurts and I am NOT going back home and coming BACK in the car!"
-we got our room which was surprisingly nice and they made me put on a stupid gown. They let your dad and I wander the halls of the birth wing and vocalize while I was in labor and transitioning. They kept checking me, I'd have to stop walking and moving so they could lay me down and see how dilated I was.
-I got to take a few showers and then they made me lay down on my back. They told me when I could and couldn't push. But I didn't listen.

At 8:30 am on December 11th, 2007 I pushed you out into the world. I couldn't belive I had done it. As soon as Daddy placed you in my arms I was in love. You changed my life in three hundred and fifty thousand wonderful and magical ways. At this 3 year anniversary of your birth, the first time I brought new life to this Earth, I have asked my self where I would be if I had made a different choice somewhere on my path. Every time I look back, I cannot find the choice I would change that would deprive me of you. You were two, and very hard to be with sometimes. We would fight, you would yell, I would yell, we would have tantrums. Then, inexplicably you would run of laughing, "I love you Mommy!!!"
Now you are three and I don't think things will change very fast. You will be willful and temperamental. You will be rough with The Man Child. But you will be helpful and eager and curious. You will be gentle with your brother. And then you will be four and I will miss my little 3 year old.
I love you and I would never change the choices I made that led me to you. You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and the reason I don't stay up all night blogging and knitting.
I love you.

Your first ride home. I was sooo impressed by the fact that I
could give birth and that you were the result of my effort.


Yay, 2 Glorious Mornings

So after my really sad, self-pitying morning yesterday, things really turned around. I think the Bean really picked up on my sadness and she did her best to cheer me up:

"Mommy, I'm gonna be the Mommy and you be the baby."
"oh, ok."
(in her 'nice mommy' voice) "Come here, Baby"
"Ok Mommy."
she reached out and pulled my head to her chest and started patting me on the neck.
"It's ok Baby. Don't be said, Mommy loves you."
"I love you too, Mommy."

She probably would have played a bit more but I had to get her ready for daycare, we were late. again. as always. It did give me time to stop and think about the example I set for her. She knows to comfort me when I am sad because I take the time to help her work through her emotions. She also knows that a great wat to get out of handing me things is to say in a very dramatic voice "Oh Mommy, I just can't... I'm sooo tired..." Again, it makes me think of my example. Now while I wish to improve what I show her I also don't want to be that mom who can do it all and everyone thinks she's amazing but is secretly in the back downing her kid's ridalin and setting an unachievable goal.
After I dropped K Bean off at daycare, I was sitting in my car still feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how I'm not doing "It" right. You know, that mythical parenting "It" with a capital I. Any way- feeling sorry, It, blah blah- when my dear friend Raintree called and asked if the Man Child and I wanted to walk with her and her little one. I could think of nothing, literally NOTHING, I would rather be doing so of corse I said "See you there!"
That walk was such a remedy for my soul. No matter what Raintree was been through, she is always so sunny and easy to talk to about everything. Sometimes I laugh at our mutual admiration society. She is amazed that I am raising 2 kids essentially by myself, and I can't imagine having my baby in the NICU and heart surgery at 4 months! She is so brave and driven to give her baby the best possible baby and child hood. Anyway, we talked about nothing and everything, really just looking at the coastline in this beautiful place we are lucky enough to live in. Walking in the wind and smelling the air really refreshed me. The rest of the day was soo smooth I almost didn't believe it was the same day as that morning!

The Man Child and Angel Baby. BFFs!

After we got home that night and the babies were asleep, I got a txt from a wonderful friend who sounded like she needed a good pick me up sooo- stayed up really late and baked cookies! ok- i wanted cookies too, lol. I made vegan, gluten free chocolate chip cookies and this morning, when we were all awake and done with our birthday chocolate chip pancakes (more about that in a moment) we packed up some cookies and delivered them to my friend and made her smile. I also finally delivered the finished binky straps to Origin and I hope to start up my Etsy shop soon.
OK so- birthday chocolate chip pancakes. My mom used to make us M&M pancakes on our birthdays when we were kids and now I get to do the same for mine! K Bean's birthday is this saterday! Unfortunately I have to work in the morning of her actual birthday so today seamed like as good a day as any for her special pancakes.
It all started because of a beautiful North Coast walk with an inspirational Mum and her magical Baby.

Big, Fat, Chunky, Huge Baby Hand...

Yeah, that's right. He is only 4 months old. Look at those man hands. He was born with big hands, like a puppy with bg paws.  I can't believe how friggin large those fingers are! Oh my god! I love him. Love him. Love him!


Discouraged or, Let Me Wallow In Self-Pity For Just A Moment

So it turns out that selling knits you made by following someone else's pattern is like a big no-no in the knit world. poo. What if I give massive credit to the book I got my patterns from and sell them cheeper? But it isn't like they are 100% by the book so to speak, the pattern was inspiration for other things yet to come... does it still count? I'm bummed.

I was getting really good hits on this darn blog and was starting to think of putting ads up as a way to generate revenue... then I posted that piece about Christians being so self-rightous. And my hits fell off almost completely. Or, maybe I haven't posted anything interesting since then. I just want everyone to know, I was talking about one guy in particular and making a general statement about the rest of the word. I do that when I get mad. Sorry. I got a great comment from someone who actually read that blog and she said what I was thinking, that not all christians are like that, there are more who are charitable, good folks who know what they believe and why. Thank M & L.

J Dub told me he didn't want to promote the blog anymore because he didn't want to mix his personal life with the folks on facebook. He actually said that he promote in Twitter because he "didn't know all of his followers." Wait, if you know who the people on facebook are and you DON'T want them knowing about your family, why is it better for people you don't know looking at us? I don't get it. I know that because he is in a certain industry he has to look available and I don't really let it bother me but it was nice knowing that he was proud enough to share the blog on his page...

I just have been feeling that typical high school feeling of "hey, you know, you might think you're cool. You might think things are looking up. But really? You aren't shit and nothing you do matters much."
I want to go back to bed, too bad I love Kaya and have to function for her...


Medicated and Motivated

This past year has been very hard for my man, my love. He has lost his sister and his closest most beloved friend, confidant, partner. In response to his saddness he has created this video series as a way to help himself and his family to understand and cope with his pain. In the process, he has touched many other lives, even getting emails from peaple he has never met telling him that his videos have saved their lives. Please watch and share. If you know any one who is feeling alone, I know these might be able to help. The first one helps get K Bean to bed peacefully on nights when she is missing her Daddy so bad she cant sleep.
I love you James.
RIP Kelain.

This artist, Chase, just found out he had lost his father.

This is dedicated to my husbands sister.



I feel like everything in my life is boiling down to too much 'same-ness' right now. I do the same thing every day- I care for my kids as best as I can, I clean (sort of), I prepare the same foods over and over. I write about the same things on my blog- struggling to raise my kids without shouting or timeouts, valuing their opinions and emotions, helping them cope with Daddy being gone all the time. I even knit the same things, although my little creations are super cute, the are the same. Always the same. J Dub comes home and we have the same fights, the same agreements, the same snuggles. K Bean cries about the same loneliness of missing her father and not getting enough time from me or not enough jelly sandwiches. Zenjamin, well, he's a baby so there isn't much going on there anyways...
K's 3rd birthday is coming up and that will be a few days of different, but not really. She told me she "just wants us" at her party. I had to lead her to invite my parents and brother... who she loves and some of her friends. I want to do something new and exciting but what? What can I do to break up the monotony of my daily life? It isn't that I don't love my life, my kids, my man... it's just that, well, I love chocolate but if I have (get?) to eat it everyday wouldn't I get sick? Or not love it anymore?
So what do you do to make your days go by with more fun, more adventure... more 'different'?


Ha! I Sooo Knitted a Bumble Bee!

So, I have to make a few tweaks before I can start to sell them but he sure is cute!

Here is his little body, the yellow is really really bright. Can't you tell?

Here is his head, it is a little too small so the next time I make one his head will be a  bit bigger.

Wings! and an one antenna... I only did one but the finished product will have 2 on a bigger head.


4 Binky Straps

They all have buttons and they're sewn up, the only thing missing is the damn clip that will attach them to the baby's clothes. And I've started on another flower. Prices will be posted soon.


Oh, I love Talking to Bean!!!

So, here I am sitting at the kitchen table watching this great birth video. The woman is gently vocalizing as she has her contractions and begins to push (not at all like me, who yelled/screamed so hard my voice was horse the next day). K Bean was on the other side of the room and couldn't see what was on the screen.

"Mommy, she's having a baby!"
"Yeah, she is."
"Like me!" Here she lifts up her shirt and pats her belly.
"Oh are you having a baby?"
"Yeah, in the bath."
"In the big bath!"
She came over to sit with me and watch the video. We talked about having babies and how we had Man Child at home in the tub, just like the lady in the video. I love sharing birth with my daughter. She always gets sooo excited when the baby comes out.
"Mommy, is she so happy she's crying?"
"Yeah, that's what Mommies do when they are soooo happy to see their babes."
"You were laughing."
"Yes, yes I was. I very happy."
I cried when I saw you too, my little love.


Why Are Christians So Sure They are Right?

One of my favorite Facebook pages posted a great article about a study showing that the families with lesbian parents have a 0% child abuse rate. Um first may I say Sweet! It is really good to know that there is a group of children out there who can now realistically have 0% chance of being beaten, molested or verbally asaulted. Then may I follow up by saying, of corse they couldn't possibly have looked at every lesbian couple with kids in the whole world but the ones they did talk to didn't abuse their kids. any of them.
Some people made the point that since lesbians can't get prego by accident they have to work really hard to get the kids they have so they are more likely to really appreciate them when they get them, however that may be. ok, well whatever. The point is, it seams to me that this would be a group with nothing but the love and safety of the next generation in mind. At some point in the thread some guy comes in spouting hellfire and damnation about how Jesus hates gays and living in sin and just being gay around kids is child abuse and all that. He started using the bible to show that god hates gays so I said, 'don't hate- appreciate! don't teach your kids anger and hate based on something intangible. It will divide us and destroy the fragile world we have left.' He shot back basically saying that the bible is the only true source of information ever and that if I even had a bible (which I don't) and would read (I have read the bible, several times. I believed every word of it until I began to read other books written during the same time and written about the men who wrote the bible, you know, that subject some christians seam to be so blind towards- History) it, I would see that God does indeed say that a man lying with a man is a sin... but so is eating shellfish and talking to woman on her period. sweet- proof that god is a woman, I always want to be left alone when I'm menstruating!
Any way, I digress. So I came back with what I felt was a relatively peaceful, tolerant rebuttal to his blind faith. I mentioned how the bible was not written by god, or even Jesus but by men at least one generation removed from Jesus and what had happened during his life. I also pointed out how Jesus wasn't considered to be divine to his followers until the council of Nicaea in 325 AD. Yes, he was already the son of god, but he wasn't God A to be prayed to and worshiped until that date. I wrote about the Messiah Myth that is way older than Jesus himself and mentioned how the same story can be traced to Osiris of the ancient Egyptians. All I wanted to point out was that if you chose to believe in that story, you must also look at the context in which it was written. Look at many Catholics I know who still believe in Jesus and God and All That but are very well versed in history and philosophy and other religion. They believe because they know enough about other factors to strengthen what they believe in. Following a flawed historical account blindly does not a good argument make.
 Ok so, needless to say he didn't like that. He came back saying that since I am not a christian I don't get to be in this conversation and discuss the "fact" is being gay is a sin. yay.
So my question is this. Why do people who put so much faith in what is clearly a flawed, over edited, out of context piece of writing hate others sooo much? Why do they really think they are right in every moral argument? "Oh the Bible said that what you are doing is wrong and the bible is the only book ever published that has any moral direction!"


Nursing on Facebook is Hateful... Oh I'm Glad Someone Told Me!

There just doesn't seam to be enough outrage at the fact that Facebook removes the pics women post of themselves nursing their babies. I understand that some people might not like the practice. OK, I guess, that seams kinda ignorant and stupid. But they don't have to look at the pics, they can just keep going. The Facebook "Nurse-In" was supposed to show FB how many people on that social networking site think that nursing is NOT offensive. At last count I think there were about 6,000 people "attending". Enough people to make the FB bots flag the event as "hateful, threatening or offensive" but not enough to really get support for the movement.
There are sooo many worse pics on FB than a woman nursing her baby. In fact, someone who has photos on his page that I would NEVER want my kids looking at (it shows a very scantily clad woman crouched at crotch level to a man holding 2 guns, so not only does it objectify women but it also glorifies violence) is someone I feel very close to. Over my time living in the American South, he and his girl (who is currently expecting a boy) became very close to me and my man. And no matter how I feel about his pics, I would never EVER flag his pics because they are publicity for his movie and that (acting and rapping) is how he feeds his family. I know him to be one of the nicest guys I have ever met!
SOOOO, this is offensive, shows too much skin for you Facebook Bots?

But this is OK?

And this isn't even one of the bad. It doesn't really bother me, but I have a hard time believing people would flag the "Nurse-In" because of sexual, violent or offensive content but then leave stuff like this all over the damn place.
oh well
yay bobbies


Annnd, Another Chat With K Bean (ok 2 chats, but they are sooo cute)

"punchy, punchy, punchy..."
"Hey Bean, please don't punch your brother in the head."
"I'm not, I'm just knocking him over."

Ok, so, it really was just a light closed fist tap on his head and he seamed to be having a good time but still.  And he was laying on his tummy soo...
OK, It's an old pic, but you get the idea. Just so you know, this was taken when we visited family in September,
that diaper he is wearing is now waayyy too small for him. And look how big it is in the picture!

While I was tucking KaBean (like kapow!) in just now she called me to lay down with her and then we had the following one-sided conversation-

"No Mommy, you're sitting on my couch-bed."
"oh ok but-"
"You have to get up an go away."
"but you-"
"Here, I made room for you. Quick lay down the monster is coming and I will protect you!"
At this point she wrapped her little arms around my head and started whispering "shhhh" at me. I didn't say a thing.
"Quiet Mommy, we don't want them to find us."
More silence from me.
"Here, you have to protect Charlie, I will protect you!"
Charlie is an old stuffed dog that my Grama gave me when I was maybe 8 or so and now he is Bean's dog.
"Ok Mommy, give me books to cover up, they are cold."
I gave her the books, they took my spot.
"Good night Mommy."
Good night Bean, I love you."
"I love you too. And I love Daddy and I love Man Chile and I love Isis and I love Charlie and I love Grandma..."
"Ok, give me a good night kiss."
"2 kisses!"

lol, then I left her in her couch bed and now I can hear her singing to herself. aaahhhhh I love good nights like this!


Because Nothing is Sweeter.

Few things are as adorable as when new babies sleep like this.
Fists tight, arms perfectly flopped open, head in profile like an Egyptian portrait.
And HELLO, a 2 year old who willingly naps so Mommy can take a shower?

A Success Story and a Peaceful Bedtime.

I just got to put both babies to bed in my bed with me in the middle. Can I just say how amazing it feels to nurse one while the other has her arm around my neck whispering, "I love you Mommy. And I love the Man Child, and Daddy, and Isis..." this truly is my reason for living.

It had been hard for me to really mother these 2 little beings for a while. My co-parent, their father, my lover had been gone on business for waaay to long this time and the 3 of us were wearing thin. I was starting to get mad and easily frustrated with Bean having to leave the Man Child to cry while I sorted her out. But yesterday and now today have been true attachment parenting successes! Even with Bean having a bit of a stuffy nose and a low temperature, she has been fun and mostly agreeable. Not perfect... lol... she is 2 after all. Bed times like this reaffirm my belief that I can be a gentle peaceful mom and that my kids will not grow up to be spoiled rotten, they will be confident knowing they are loved and free to express themselves without fear of judgment or ridicule.


A Good Day Despite....

Well, J Dub left today but despite all that KaBean and I had a great day. As he was getting into the car to drive away I took the offspring to the playground. She was sooooo good. There was no fighting, she even told ME it was time to go and have lunch. yay! So we came home, had lunch and she jumped into my bed talking about going to sleep. It's a game she likes to play where she naps and reads stories to Man Child. As nice as that may sound, it is surprisingly roudy. So I pointed out that if she wanted to nap instead of go to ballet class and see Miss Melinda then thats ok. welll.... She picked ballet. yay #2. I got to sit in Headlands and have a piece of cake and some coffee and Man Child NIP and no one said anything, haha. He was so goood, I even read some pages in my new book! holla!
Anyway- Harvest, dinner time, Man Child's bedtime, teeth brush, stories, and finally, the tuck in. She told me she missed her Daddy a few times but she wasn't totally unconsolable. They were both asleep by 8 and I got to work on more Frog Binky Straps for Origin.

Good Night, Blog.


Spiritual Mantras for Cleaning House

Earth my body
Water my blood
Air my breath
fire my spirit.

I got clean sheets on my bed, laundry folded, dishes done and a baby washed! Sweet! Before I even discovered the mantra for house work, Melinda was helping me use it birthing babies. I thought, hey it worked then, maybe it'll work now. It did.

Tapatio is hotter when left on the counter... and consumed in large amounts at 10pm...

Earlier in the day, no chanting... but I still got some chunky stuff done- I showered Bean, with Soap this time instead of getting her wet and calling it good, AND I cut her hair. Yeah I did! She looks so cute and neat instead of some crazy scraggle kid I pulled off the street. She even ate 2 really good-ish meals today. I know most kids eat 3 or more but she fell asleep at 6:45! Crazy Kid. Maybe that helped get all that stuff done...? Naw it was the chanting.

Bean says Toy Story 3 is too scary for her so we watched Bugs Life instead. Also a great movie, but I sooo love TS3! I got most of the head of another frog done, but I was nursing, then holding a sleeping baby so it didn't go as fast as it could have. Now I will work on it for a little while while watching Hulu and then go back to bed with my spit-up free clean smelling little baby. yay.

The Man Child's new favorite night time song (another chant courtesy of Melinda) helped him doze off quite a bit faster tonight and kept him entertained as I washed dishes next to his bath tub. yeah, multi-tasking.

We all come from the Goddess
And to her we shall return.
Like a drop of water
Flowing to the Ocean...

The fact is, chanting these and putting love and truth into the words gives me the strength I need to finish my task. Just like when I birthed my Man Child, hearing these words... or maybe I thought them waaayyyy hard in my head, gives me strength to put one foot in front of the other. Women have been raising beautiful, honest children in worse situations than ours and we will be fine as long as I don't give up.

Thank you
Blessed be


Knitting Project Run Down

YAY! So I finally finished Melody's Healing Hat! Woot! It was tricky going, I had to rip it out and start over a few times to get the band size right and then it was smooth working. I did a sweet little c4f all the way up till I decided it was tall enough and then some random decrease that I just pulled out of my ass er knitting book. "Yay," so thought I, "I'm done, I can't wait to give this sweet little hat to Melody. Here Man-Child, try this on to see how it fits." Oh snap! That hat is waaayyyy to small! It looks like one of those Jewish hats. Sweet, but wrong kind of hat. So I picked up the stitches on the cast on edge and knit downward. I didn't want it to be a plain band sooo I worked this cool diagonal ribbing into it. Yay. OMG it looked soooo cool! When it came time to bind off I thought no problem, I'll use the new bind off I just learned. Right? It was supposed to be more stretchy than the k2, slip rt st over lt st bind off that I usually use. Well, yes, it may be but it wasn't stretchy enough for the band of a hat for a little baby girl. I knit the end of this damn hat 3 times before I finally went on the intru-web (amazing thing, that) and found this Jenny's Surprisingly Stretchy Bind Off . Um, Yay it sooooo totally is like 300 x more stretchy than anything I've ever seen. So I got the hat done with this new bind off and finished this great hat. Here's a picture. I am also working on a Mohat for K Bean. It is gonna be a great skull hat with and awesome purple Hawk on top. I'm thinking of dying my hawk purple when I finish so I can match the Bean. YAY!
And--- last but not least, I'm doing a bunch of binky straps for my friends store. They will all be different but the first batch I am working on is to see how many I get out of a single ball of yarn. Wish me luck!


YAY! Another Fluff Friday from Kelly's Closet!


Friday, October 29, 2010

Fluff Friday 103

Fluff Friday
1-FuzziBunz One-Size Cloth Diaper in Choco Truffle
1-FuzziBunz One-Size Cloth Diaper in Kumquat

Question of the week:
Do you ever coordinate the cloth diaper baby is wearing to a specific outfit so it matches? (If yes please state an example of what you have done in the past or what you plan to do in the future.) Leave your comment before Thursday, Nov.4th at 7pm EST. (You can only answer the "Question of the Week" ONCE PER GIVEAWAY, NOT PER DAY.)

Go to http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/ for your chance to answer the question and win. There are so many other ways to enter too! Go check it out. And if you don't have kids or use cloth, you can always win and send them to me, lol!

Ha! A Happy Post!

So after a few days of really horrible, emotional, tense interactions with KaBean, today we had a good day. It wasn't like amazing or anything but we got along really well. The Man Child and I had a really nice long nap while Bean was at 'skew' and he had another great bath time afterwards. Picking K Bean up was a little tricky, she didn't want to leave. It took us a good 20 minutes to get out of there but once we did she was all right. We got home and made dinner and played and it was great! She woke up in the best mood this morning. All kisses and love. yay.
I was able to stay away from my computer for most of the day, there were a few slips but for the most part I was able to keep my full attention on my kids today. yay.
Better luck tomorrow.


More Worries and Struggles...

Ugh... Another struggle, this time at bedtime rather than in the middle of the night, so I guess that is a plus right? I don't know what set her off. She seamed fine and at some point she started screaming. I swear, sometimes I think if I hear her to scream "I don't want you, I want my Daddy!!!" one more time I'm just going to leave! Well, I'm not really... but sometimes I'd like to. It seams to be getting better. I tried to calm Man Child who started crying as soon as Bean started freaking out. So as Man Child started to calm down I sat down and just listened to her, I tried to let her know that even if she didn't want it I was there for her, I'd always listen to her when she had something to tell me.I don't want her to think I don't value her emotions, I do... I just- I just can't stand listening to her cry, it makes me sooo sad.

But we did have kind of a great day, I tried to stay off the computer today... it didn't work as well as I wanted but I was off more than I usually am.
Some things I am worried about.
1) the internet takes my attention away from my kids. I am going to try, from now on, to keep the lap top away from me during the day. Give my babies the attention they deserve.
2) I have been eating sweets, desserts, chips, snacks, everything compulsively. I can't stop. Once the kids go to bed I break out the treats and chow!. uhg... I feel so gross.

Busy, Busy and a Huge Fight

So, the last few days have been intense. We had a few good days, I started running the Nutcracker rehearsals for the Mendocino Ballet. That was fine, I don't know how I feel about working with little kids. I mean, last week was alright but pretty soon I have to tell them that they aren't all good enough to do certain parts. How do you say that to some little kid who wants to be the next great ballerina without taking class. I mean god really, you think you're kid should be in the Nutcracker but you (or they) don't want to go to class every week? Really? really. You think this is gonna work out? Great. And I have to try to make a presentable dance out of girls who don't go to class. Sweet.
Any way, I made some delish vegan/gluten free chocolate cupcakes that were soooo great! The frosting was A-MAZE-ING! And instead of sweetening the cupcakes with sugar the recipe called for using maple syrup! Sooo yummy!
Gave Zen a bath, that is always fun! I love bath days for him, he looks so happy when I put him in the water. He likes when I pour the water over his buda belly. The big goofy grin he gets is sooo cute.

Then tonight, at 1 o'clock in the morning, when I was trying to sneak a diaper on Kaya, she woke up and had a huge melt down. I mean huge! She started freaking out, kicking, screaming, punching, hair pulling. I thought she was going to break her legs in the crib slats. (It is a 3 sided bed now, but still has crib sides) It was so bad. I started crying in frustration, and pain, that girl kicks soooo hard! I was so upset, I just want to be a good mom, but after this... Ahh, I wanted to just spank her and make her put the damn diaper on and stop crying and go to bed dammit! AHHHH!!! I have such a hard time managing my hanger and frustration with her. I know she needs love and attention and not to be pushed aside so I can take care of Zen. But, and I know I've said this before, I'd rather nurse and snuggle than get yelled at and hit. ugh. I'm doing the best I can, trying to feed her more home cooked and less packaging and more fruit and less 'snacks'. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day and I know I love her. I love my girl soo much, I want to get stronger in my peace with her. She is amazing and so intelligent and when I treat her right she can be sooo good. Any way, good night. I'll see you tomorrow.


Whats With Today, Today?

Hells yeah, I got a ton of shit done today. Yeah I did!
1. Got Kaya off to school with breakfast in her tummy before she left house, lunch made, teeth brushed, Zen dressed and changed and Isis fed. Score!
2. Went to Mom's to drop off her tomatoes from Lorrie's garden (delish!) and pick up the cookware I needed to make my day super productive.
3. Got home and finished the dishes. That alone is a major accomplishment. I was very proud of that because I just got a new 38 piece set of Snapware (like Tupperware only cooler) that all needed to be washed and put away.
4. I gave Zen a bath. Yay. My little water baby loves his bath days! He was all pissed off, like majorly pissed, and I got him naked and put him in the tub and presto, he was super chill. Got him all cleaned and put him down for his nap. I sooo wish I could have joined him. Early bed time tonight!
5. I made tamales. That's right bitches, TAMALES! AND they were vegan! hells yeah! score 5 for the home team! Vegan potato curry tamales. I soooo made the masa from scratch too. I didn't grind the corn or anything, but I did have to blend it with the Earth Balance for like 3 hours just to get it to the right consistency (no, not really 3 hours, but hella forever). AND guess what? They turned out pretty great. I mistook my cayenne pepper for chile powder and added a whole tablespoon of cayenne to the curry so they were suuuuuper spicy but after some tweaking they came out pretty good! yay.

Now all I have to do before bed is get the diapers into the dryer, fold the laundry and make the bed. Then I can sleep in it! YAY!!!!!


Ballet Class, Fun Times Parenting, and an Awesome Song!

This is Kaya's 3rd ballet class. or fourth...? I'm so crap at keeping track of time. Any way, she is really starting to enjoy it! Melinda is great with the little ones and Kaya already loves her so even though she is the youngest in her class, she is picking it up pretty well! Last week they did rainbow arms and Kaya came home and showed my mom and I over and over again! Soooo cute.

I'm having a hard time with this whole peaceful parenting thing. Being patient with Kaya when she is screaming and throwing her sippy cup at me is quite the daily challenge. I try to get down to her level and talk to her in a quiet, calm voice but--- she punches me. One AP website suggests holding your child while they cry to show them you are there for them. So, I tried that and--- she punched me again. yay. Giving her all the attention she needs is really hard when I really just want to curl up with Zen and nurse and play and snuggle. As much as I love LOVE Kaya, it is easier to love the baby who gazes up at you trying to smile and hold on tho the nipple at the same time! But then Kaya will sing one of her songs and look up at me and say "I love you, Mommy... and I love Daddy... and Zenny... and I love Gramma... and...." etc. lol. I love her!

Song sample. to the tune of frere jaques.
Apple sauce are falling
Apple sauce are falling

To the ground
To the ground

Pick 'em and eating

For you and me
For you and me.

My bad self with Zenny in his carrier, taking Kaya to the playground!


The Finished Frog and Pics of Kaya in the Grapes

Ok so here are the pics of the Frog Binky Strap in all it's glory!
The Frog in use...

The cute little butterfly button on the end was my idea!
 I worked really hard on that stupid frog. The one shown here is Frog Number Four. I didn't even bother posting pics of frog 3, although he was blue... Any way. Once I got the bobbles down, the rest was a snap! OK lie, but it wasn't as hard as it could have been. There are leaves under the frog's but that were hard to do, I did about 7 of those even though I really only needed 3. I had to find the best 3! I'm sorry, I don't know how Susan B. Anderson (if I knew how to create links I'd link her name here to her page [she's rad]) makes pointy knitted leaves, but mine didn't want to point, ever. So I didn't force it. stoopid yarn. I also knitted 4 butterfly leaves, more stoopid yarn. Yay frog!!!

Ok, so just so you know, I'm working on an adorable little hat for the Earth Angel Baby, Melody Sophia. I really hope it can keep her perfect little head warm. And my other work in progress project that I just started is the MoHat for Kaya. Tricky Tricky Tricky... I'll post pics and a story about the damn hat later.... ~bane of my knitting life~

Now onto pictures of Kaya in the grapes. This grape vine was a clipping from my Great Grandparents' home in San Jose. The structure Kaya is playing on is a swing set my dad built for Brian and I when we were kids... like 20 years ago. Yeah hand made stuff that survives a big move and living out doors for 20 years. My dad is hella boss at building things. The kids and I spent our day in my mom's garden, Kaya played and dug in the dirt and Zen sat in his swing in the sun and watched birds and bugs and the trees dancing or got carried around to look at things while I sat in the sun and knit Melody's Hat. or carried Zen around to show him things. This hat will have sun and love and hope and energy knit into it.

I too climbed up that ladder as a small child. Only
when I did it there wasn't a hella big grape vine
all over it...


Zen in his swing...


Circumcision Is Wrong.

I know, I said the same thing as my facebook status but I just can't stop thinking about it. Even though he will not be like his father, we chose to keep Zen intact. He was a healthy, perfect baby boy and we would not put him thru such a horrible thing in his first days. But Joshua died because he was sick and his parents wanted to cut him anyway. The doctors told them that he would be fine, do it sooner rather than later to prevent bleeding they said. Well, the doctor 'nicked' an artery and the poor baby with a heart condition bleed to death. An infant only needs to loose 2.3 ounces of blood to die of blood loss. That isn't very much at all. The doctors are saying that the circ had nothing to do with this baby's death but they also said he was doing as fine as could be considered for his condition. Please stop doing this to our boys.

copy the link below to read his mothers blog



I Do What Is Best For Zen or The Vaccine Question

Breast feeding on demand for two years is absolutely best for my baby. It has everything his growing body needs, it comforts him, he knows I am here for him 100%.

Cloth diapers are absolutely best for my baby. They are clean, easy to use, soft on his bum, chemical free, and I know every single person who has touched them since the last time I washed them.

Co-Sleeping is absolutely best for my baby. He hears my heart beat and knows I am there for him. If he gets hungry we just get closer and he can root his way right to my breast. Co-sleeping absolutely prevents SIDS. If you are drunk or smoking or super tired you could roll over on your baby, good thing I don't drink or smoke and I take naps.

Baby wearing absolutely best for my baby. He doesn't cry when I wear him, which means I don't have to stay up and walk the floor with a sad baby. I know where he is all the time, either on my front or my back. I'm helping his neck and shoulder muscles develop. In fact, he will probably, sit, stand and walk sooner than his bucket baby peers. He might not, but that's up to him. I can nurse in public without nosey jerks noticing and still play with Kaya while holding him.

Keeping my son intact is absolutely best for my baby. I didn't mutilate his genitalia during his first week of life. Isn't that the best reason not to anything?

There are conclusive studies on how all these things are the best things you can do for any infant but there are studies on both sides of the vaccine debate that are right-ish. The thing is, if I read only anti-vac studies there is enough information there for me to say ABSOLUTELY FRIGGIN NOT! But if I read only pro-vac studies there is enough for me to say HELLS YES!!! This is something I just don't know how to solve. I can shave my head, knit a frog, and nurse my son all in the same day, but I just can't decided if I should vaccinate him or not...


The Cloth Diaper Whisperer Fluffy Friday Give Away

 OOOHHHH I soo hope I win! Click the title to go TCDW post page to enter! or copy and paste address below into your browser.


Cloth Diapers and More Practice Frogs

I love my cloth diapers because it makes me know for certain that I am doing at least one thing everyday that is really truly good for my son. I'm one of those people who who really hates to do laundry but every morning the first thing I think about and maybe the 10th thing I get around to doing is washing last nights and yesterdays diapers. I love dumping them into the wash all nasty smelling and gross and pulling them out again all shiny and white. I love putting them out on my porch on my clothes rack all "white trash style" as my mom (sort of) jokingly calls it. The amazing side effect of all this washing is that I get other laundry done too! Because my almost 3 year old is night time potty training and refuses to wear the MotherEase fitted I got her, morning laundry often smells like toddler pee so it's good I have Zen's diapers to encourage me.

Also, here is Practice Frog and Mrs. Practice Frog. Not the best pic, I know, but it was late and I was going to bed. Practice Frog's construction did not stand up to the almost 3 year old so hopefully Mrs. PF works out better. I'm working on PF 3 now and if he works out really well then it'll be onto Real Frog so I can finish this darn binky strap.


Hey Look! I Knitted This Frog!!!

Step one- knit the head...

Step 2- knit the eyes and attach to the head...

Step 3- knit the body and attach the head...

Step 4- knit the arms and legs and attach to the body...

Step 5- give that frog a face...

So that is my practice frog. I'm knitting a binky strap for Zenny and it involves a frog. This frog... well not this frog exactly, he didn't come out so hot and after a few hours in my knitting bag and some time playing with Kaya I came to the conclusion that I need to work on some things.
1- knitting "bobbles", what the hell is a bobble? that is what Miss Susan B. Anderson calls the eyes, hands and feet. Hers look all nice and knitted, mine look like wads of yarn I (poorly) tied to my frog.
2- attaching everything to everything else. The poor thing just started falling apart. So, that is what I will work on from now till about 11.

See Ya!!!
ps- if you're reading this, do you think you could click follow at the top of the page... it'll make me feel good about myself... ;)


Life Aspirations

First off, I want to start out by saying Facebook sucks today.

Now, I go and I buy these knitting books or vegan cook books really meaning to change my life and live a more slow food king of life style but I never really cook anything and my knitting always takes for ever. I want to teach my children to eat good food and not waste but my favorite snacks and dinners come out of boxes and I like new clothes. Don't get me wrong, I don't really shop for myself, I'm still wearing my only pair of prego pants. I really spend my money on yarn and cloth diapers and organic processed food. yum... but I should be cooking for my loves not feeding them out of a box. I try... ok, lie. I think about trying to feed them better, but then I get distracted and forget to start dinner by 6 and we end up having quesadillas or mac and cheese or cereal. Some day I will get it together enough to do these things but now, I have to hang the diapers in the sun and take a nap...

Funny Chat with K Bean and Camping Pictures

Awesome conversation with K Bean about her baby doll:
"Mommy, this is my baby."
"Oh, he's so cute. What's his name?"
"Baby Man Child."
"Really? I like that name. How old is he?"
"Six weeks?"
"Yeah, six weeks."
"What does he eat?"
"My boobies."

Yes she really said that, it was so cute I almost cried. Add this to the time I saw her nursing one of her stuffed animals and how she put a 'cloth diaper' on one of her babies, I think she is on her way to being a great mom some day. Oh and to toot my own horn, my aunt Karen told my mom she thinks I'm a good mom and my mom agreed with her! YAY! And Uncle Dave told my brother how "easy to get along with" K Bean is... sigh, now I just hope I don't have to yell at her tomorrow.

On to the pics. These are from camping at Standish-Hickey right before we had the Man Child. Starring Aunt Colleen, Leanna, Brian and Duncan (my bros), J Wizzle, and K Bean. Oh and me and the belly, of course.
Crazy Cousin Leanna and K Bean in the water. We had to drape my tank top and Leanna's
bandanna around her so she wouldn't get a sun burn. She looked so darn cute.

Happy Family. Wade-o and K's first time camping. My first time in years, we used to go
all the time with Mom and Dad and my brothers to this same place. I love Standish-Hickey.

Floating like this felt so great, I could feel Fetus Man calm down and sort of relax. All the
pressure that had been on my back lifted and we both got really comfortable.
ok, this is crazy Leanna. If you look really closely you can see some people sitting up on the rock
thinking about jumping in, then look a little further up the rock and there are some more people sitting, thinking about jumping. Well, they thunk soooo long, poor Leanna got bored, climbed higher up and then jumped. Yeah, then she swam over and said something like "These are nothing, you should see the ones we jump off at home."
Brian and Duncan, burning things. Sweet.
Leanna, teaching K to swim. K Bean had sooo much fun with her... 2nd cousin? First cousin twice removed?
My old lady self, watching from the beach. Side note, I got that umbrella the first time I went to Germany.
Brian playing the banjo. Duncan and Bean eating. She really likes to dance and sing when Uncle
 Pookie gets out his banjo.
Camping bed time.