PD Eastman and Limbing Trees

hello.
hello.
do you like my hat?
i do not like that hat.
good bye.
good bye.

Been feeling very creatively challenged since landing at my parent's house. It's hard to just get in my zone here, we have to be very careful not to sprawl out much here. wouldn't want to get finger prints on the armchairs. So instead of knitting, I have attempted to become a weaver. Lenorre over at the Mendocino Yarn Shop had a knitters loom she wasn't using and when I told her my spinning wheel was all packed in storage in Las Vegas for real, i'm still sorta crying about it, she told me I could borrow it! yay! But, that hasn't been as inspiring as I'd hoped. I've already finished one huge ass scarf for one of the grandma's and I started a bit of a smaller scarf for my mom, who likes to complain that I never knit her things. And even though it is easy, and it is playing with yarn, it still hasn't been enough. 

Which brings me to the solution of the last few days... I've been clearing redwood suckers and under brush from the property. Starting with the trees and stumps that make the best forts, I've been going out for a little while every day with some heavy-duty clippers and my little hatchet and cutting limbs. I like to tell myself that by cutting the low branches and clearing away some of the dry(ish) sticks and bushes, I'm helping prevent a fire. in north-coastal california. in december. But really, I just need to be out of the house. When Huz is not here, the kids come with me. Everyone gets their own tool, a little rake or shovel, and the wheel barrow and we truck off to the day's target area. But then my man comes home and likes to say awesomely helpful things like: "it's too cold" or "it's raining" or "he's only 2! i think that a double sided hoeing tool with prongs is not safe for him and i'm taking it away!" And so lately, I've been out on my own. I don't like work. I don't like manual labor or jobs that make me sweaty or itchy. But for whatever reason, cutting the branches back has been exactly what I needed.

Pray for some yarny action soon, though, my shoulders hurt.

Also, the sand dunes at my phone.

bitches.

Over the Hills and Thru the Woods...

Or

G r a t i t u d e  *  S u n d a y

{Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.} 

Because nature and beauty are always things to be grateful for...

ps- click the link to go to Taryn's page and see her list, it is always so beautiful and inspiring.
pps- get really really inspired and write or own list, then link it... or not. just feeling grateful is worth it.

This is what we get to live in and see every day! All these pictures were taken walking between my parents house and the cabin on our neighbors property, where we are staying till it is time to move all the way to Las Vegas. I love this cabin and I LOVE these woods. I'm going to miss this place so very much when we go.

Abundant Trilliums. For Taryn...

Old Growth Redwood Log... and Boy.

These wild flowers smell like honey.

Up the hill to my Parents House. 

When we were kids growing up in this forest, that stand that Bean is climbing in was one of our
lesser forts.  But now it is the perfect size for my Littles.

Calypso Orchid. There is a whole patch of these growing right next to the trail/driveway. I love walking past
 them and seeing all this color. The forest flowers this year are amazing!

Another HUGE old growth stump near the cabin. There are so many great places for the kids to play!

Hey look! It's the Man-Child, pants-less in the forest. As a man child should be. lol.

That colorful blur there is KaBean falling off the same log that Kevin Foster fell of when we made a Robin Hood movie in our church youth group. The only thing that would have made this moment match that moment perfectly would be the Littlest Beeman somewhere in the background saying "that's so re-mantic..."

Living in this cabin, in my woods, is the best way to finish off our time on the coast. Seeing my kids play where my brothers and I played is so special and amazing. I am so blessed. I am so Blessed.

posted from Bloggeroid

Wasted

2011 was a wasteful year for our family... Water, money, electricity, time... yarn. Food was a big one for us. My family wastes a lot of food. I chalk that up to my lack of any type of cookish skills. And the fact that I have no inner portion control, I would either make too much or not enough. We also eat too many packaged foods, but that is for another post. I am a firm non-believer in "New Years" resolution, but this year, I felt the shift toward a more conscious lifestyle for at least a few months. Starting in early November, I have had grandiose notions of cooking more, saving more, wasting less, working out, starting a container garden, walking the dog, meditating, playing outdoors with the kids more, reading to them more, yelling less... etc. At Solstice, I could feel the will to do these things growing, and a few days later 2012 started. And so, I have started. Started working out every day. Started taking a pic and posting it every day for 30 days. woot. I am going to live this year on purpose. This year is our year. Everything is changing. Everything is being reevaluated. I am so excited to be alive.

Totally Uninspired... Until Today

I live in a world of financial uncertainty. I live in a home without a regular co-parent. I am in a relationship that has spanned the state, the continent, even oceans. I have a fridge and cupboards that are very seldom full. I am behind on rent, and bills and have no car insurance.
I have been very depressed and ill thinking about these... obstacles. I have been unmoved by my children's cries for attention because my head is swirling with the need to solve my families problems. But over the past week and a few days I have encountered such love and support that has blown me away. The women in my life that love me and my children have been so amazing these dark days. (Tuesday) I truly thought I had hit rock bottom when one friend had me over for tea. Just a simple moment of rest while she held the Man Child and we sipped her favorite winter blend out of matching cups. (Thursday) An amazing hike-with-babes on what might be my new favorite walking place with dear Raintree. We walked up the Big River haul road and looked back over the river to the ocean and marveled at the blessed place we are so fortunate to live in. (Saturday) One of my dearest and oldest friends came out of nowhere (ok, a surprise trip home from the city for a family thing but still) to show up on my door step when I needed her most. And she had cookies. Home made cookies. Home made by her mom cookies. Yeah, you wish you had a friend like that. Then she cleaned my kitchen. Her kindness and love left me in tears. I'm actually tearing up thinking about how much her visit meant to me. -my kitchen is still clean- (Sunday) A light night visitor with eclairs. And a light mood. Yeah, I have friends who just show up with baked goods. What? (Monday) A late night tea with my tea friend. She needed a space and a power cord and I happened to have both. Sometimes company and another person in your home is all you need to go to bed happy. and more tea. (Wednesday) An amazing surprise trip with the kiddlets to see a very dear friend I thought I had lost. We weren't able to talk much because of a beautiful pit bull and Bean but just being in her presence made my spirit feel a little less crushed. And finally, today- back with Miss Raintree at Big River. We stayed on the beach this time because the tide was way in when we got there and we saw seals and otters playing right in the river. And Bean really wanted to play on the beach. It was such and amazing day. I think it really helped cap off this week of pain and sadness and healing.
What I have realized over the past few days thinking back on my women friends and the little-huge ways they all helped me thru, is that are more ways to love people than just the sexual mate love or the fruit-of-my-loin mother/father/child love. There is a great and powerful women love that few women are allowed to realize. I love these women who have touched my life. The ones I have know for what seams like forever but really just since grade school. The one who helped deliver my son and encouraged me to ba as strong as I am. The one who's family has a whole different set of problems and struggles than mine but can still commiserate and lend a shoulder to lean (or sob) on. Every woman in this world needs her friends close to her. She needs a group, not just one or two but a whole group, that she can rely on. She needs to be that to her friends too. Like baking crazy dietary cookies in the middle of the night because she just knows that they will make someone's whole week better when delivered first thing in the morning. Or answering the phone to listen about single life drama in the city- weekly soap opera updates! umm yay! Or reassuring her mom friend that "you are a great mother and don't let any one tell you otherwise!"
Take the time in your life to think of the women closest to you and thank them or help them because we are stronger together.

Spiritual Mantras for Cleaning House

Earth my body
Water my blood
Air my breath
fire my spirit.

I got clean sheets on my bed, laundry folded, dishes done and a baby washed! Sweet! Before I even discovered the mantra for house work, Melinda was helping me use it birthing babies. I thought, hey it worked then, maybe it'll work now. It did.

Tapatio is hotter when left on the counter... and consumed in large amounts at 10pm...

Earlier in the day, no chanting... but I still got some chunky stuff done- I showered Bean, with Soap this time instead of getting her wet and calling it good, AND I cut her hair. Yeah I did! She looks so cute and neat instead of some crazy scraggle kid I pulled off the street. She even ate 2 really good-ish meals today. I know most kids eat 3 or more but she fell asleep at 6:45! Crazy Kid. Maybe that helped get all that stuff done...? Naw it was the chanting.

Bean says Toy Story 3 is too scary for her so we watched Bugs Life instead. Also a great movie, but I sooo love TS3! I got most of the head of another frog done, but I was nursing, then holding a sleeping baby so it didn't go as fast as it could have. Now I will work on it for a little while while watching Hulu and then go back to bed with my spit-up free clean smelling little baby. yay.

The Man Child's new favorite night time song (another chant courtesy of Melinda) helped him doze off quite a bit faster tonight and kept him entertained as I washed dishes next to his bath tub. yeah, multi-tasking.

We all come from the Goddess
And to her we shall return.
Like a drop of water
Flowing to the Ocean...

The fact is, chanting these and putting love and truth into the words gives me the strength I need to finish my task. Just like when I birthed my Man Child, hearing these words... or maybe I thought them waaayyyy hard in my head, gives me strength to put one foot in front of the other. Women have been raising beautiful, honest children in worse situations than ours and we will be fine as long as I don't give up.

Thank you
Blessed be

Day 5: Disaster Strikes or Good Start, Race Lost or Melinda is a Goddess!

Woke up this morning to 3 stuffy noses, 3 sore throats and 3 coughs. We were supposed to meet friends at the play ground and then meet Melinda for tea. I almost cancelled everything but instead I texted Melinda and told her we were unwell and, since she is an amazing wonderful person, asked her if she could bring us some "feel better." I packed Kaya and I a good lunch, dressed Zenny and got the kids into the car for our play date at the park. We played and had lunch and Kaya was so good the whole time we were there, but a little sluggish and sleepy acting. Zen slept on my chest in our Beco carrier the whole time. (PS- I love those baby wearing and I LOVE our Beco!) We went to Mendo, then started home for a nap. As we were leaving she started acting so out of it. not bad, just a little cranky 2 year old. then she just stopped listening, she usually has to be asked 2 or 3 times but she usually does it. Today she didn't want to listen or help or be patient or anything. She was kicking and yelling and jumping and she was happy and having fun the whole time. Even when I finally had to yell at her for putting her dirty feet all over  the baby's head and face. I asked her 3 hundred times to stop. "Stop putting your feet on Zenny's head please, Kaya." But she didn't and I wanted to smack her. I don't want to be that kind of mother. Any way, our day just fell to pieces, every moment things just got worse. I was feeding off her energy and she was feeding off me. I fell asleep during the movie, while asleep she got into the bum spray for the cloth wipes and emptied to out onto the floor in her play room. That was the last straw, I tossed her in her bed for a time out and she yelled and hit me and I yelled back and Zen started crying so I started to change him when Kaya started yelling and kicking the bed so hard i thought she was going to break something. So Kaya was kicking, Zen pooped on himself and they were both crying. I called Melinda and she came to my rescue. She came and took Kaya for dinner and an adventure. Zen and I lay down and snuggled, we ate, and I got to knit. Kaya came home and Melinda helped me put her to bed. Now it's my bed time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Day 2 as a Semi-Single Mom

Sooo... day 2 started off kind of rough. Man-Child woke up at 6 am and wanted to nurse and chat and look at stuff, but I convinced him to at least chill and relax while I rested some more. Then K Bean woke up at 7 but she was easy, I put on UP and she stayed in her bed until it was over. We woke up and had a shower and got the kids in the car and went to my moms where the day got wayyyy better.

We had a rough night though. Poor Bean had a really stuffy nose and a cough all night. Then the poor, ill feeling girl had an accident in the middle of the night. she was sooo sad, I was heart broken. At some point the CD I had on Man leaked and we woke up in a horrible puddle. I think it was a Bum Genius AIO. I found a few disposables in the back of my closet so we'll be in those (at night) until my favorite baby shop in Mendo opens back up on Weds. I got my first FuzziBunz this weekend and I love it!

Well, night 2 has begun and so far Bean hasn't coughed Man is asleep and we're off to a good start.

yay!!! Finally!!!

So as of today, my new baby is 2 weeks old. The delivery went really well, better than I could ever have imagined! It took 5 1/2 hours and I only pushed for 15 minutes before he came out. K Bean was there in Daddy's lap for the whole thing! She got a little freaked out for the pushing but Wade-o got her all stoked and excited when they saw his head come out. She likes to say "Mommy was making scary sounds and baby brother was purple!" Having a baby at home is such a different experience than having a baby in the  hospital. When we had Bean, she was born in the hospital and when she came out she went to the doctor then a nurse then another nurse for all the tests and things then to J Wizzle and then , finally, to me. This time, as soon as he came out, he was placed right on my chest where they were able to check his lungs and heart beat and suck the goo out of his mouth and nose. In the hospital they took my baby then surprised me with having to push out the placenta, at home I got to hold for as long as I wanted while we waited for the cord to stop pulsing before any one made me push again. The hospital made me lay on my back to deliver and gave me no real method of controlling my contractions, at home I could walk around or do squats or get in the tub full of warm water. The water was amazing, the warmth and the buoyancy helped relieve the contractions to a point where I felt I could really ride them and I really knew when to push. In the hospital, the nurses and doctors told me when I was or wasn't having a contraction (I was hooked up to all sorts a monitors), they told me when to push and when not to. This time I was truly encouraged to listen to my body and channel my inner goddess and birth this life on my own, in my own way. Don't get me wrong, it still hurt like bitch, but it was an amazing pain. Life giving, life altering. I didn't have to wait for any go ahead, I said I was ready to get out of the water after snuggling him close for a moment and the midwives and my beloved doula helped to dry me and wrap me while Wade-o said hello to his son. They helped me to my bed, only steps away, and got me settled then put his little face to my breast and started nursing. He didn't want it at first but after a second of thinking about it he latched on.

At birth he weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. As of Wednesday he had already gained a whole pound! I will call him "The Man-Child" and so far he is living up to it. K Bean has been a great big sister but I think she is starting to get bored with waiting for him to play with her...

The recovery was so simple, I was up and moving about days after his birth rather than weeks as I had been with K Bean. I didn't tear this time and I didn't want any drugs, I felt so powerful and I knew I could do it all by myself. We still spend as much time in bed skin to skin as possible but we have already been to the play ground with Bean and the grocery store twice. Oh and the baby boutique! He loves outings.

So that's it. The Goddess has truly blessed my family and I can't wait to see what comes next.

It Has Begun!

Well, my water has broken and the contractions are starting. They aren't intense or very close together but, hey, it's a start! I had 2 acupuncture treatments, one yesterday and one today. Right before my appointment today, my mucus plug came out and while I was sitting there with the needles all in me I felt a few very teeny contractions start. So on with the process. I'll probably be back as the evening goes on.

Still No Baby

Nope, it is true, there is still no new baby at my house, but that's OK. My dear, dear friend Natalie is coming to stay with us a while to help me finish getting some of the more tedious things done, so hopefully everything will be clean and ready when this little guy is ready to come out.

J Wizzle is home, that makes everything in life waaaayyyy better, though we did get off to a bit of a rough start. Now that he is home and settled in, he is helpful and great and loving. He still gets snappy with me and K Bean if she needs something at night and I declare that I am not about to get my huge ass out of bed. But he gets up and does his best (which is pretty darn great) to take care of her. Today he made breakfast and let me sleep till noon!

We had another appointment with the midwives today, I grew 1 1/2 inches since last Friday! Oh I hope this kid isn't too huge. They said everything looks great and on track so I should just hang in there and wait it out. I'm still going to walk 3 or 4 miles tomorrow, in hopes that that will speed things up a bit. I didn't walk today, I needed to give my legs a rest.

I finished the yellow hat I started about a week, week and a half ago. I did it with the wrong sized needles so it turned out to small for my mom, but looks adorable on K Bean's little head, so she gets it. I also learned how to knit on double pointed needles, which turned out to be way easier than I thought! The ladies at the Mendocino Yarn Shop are sooo great and helpful, they helped answer all of my silly knitting problems, got me the stuff I need, and sent me on my way. So Jodi's hat should be done in no time at all, then I can start something new! yay!

Exciting News! and My Baby Girl's Birth Story... or parts of it anyway.

The first thing is way awesome, the second thing kinda sucks and the third thing is K Bean's birth story. I thought I should write it out before it gets all blended up with Baby Brother's.

After weeks of putting it off and watching things get grosser and grosser, I finally cleaned my bathroom. That is my Sunday Room-to-Clean on my new clean house chart. I got it done and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... OK, yes it was. It was waaayyy gross. But I did it anyhow. The floor, the window, the blinds even! the mirror, sink and toilet, and even the shower! I even reorganized the shelves and brought in a new cart-ish thing to store towels and the like. Yay.
And to day, I finally started the kitchen. This will be a big project because not only are there 3 or 4 days worth of dishes in the sink, to K Bean 'helped' by turning her lunch into 'lotion' then dropping the yogurt covered tray on the floor. So hopefully today, I will finish the dishes, clean the counters and get the floor mopped and shiny. I really want to reorganize the shelves in here too so we'll see how far I get.
Oh, and I gave K Bean a hair cut! She looks sooo darn cute.
Oh, aaannnddd J Dub comes home today! Yay!

In case I haven't said anything about it in the blog so far- this baby moves around a lot. I mean all the time, this fetus is never still. His most active times of day are, of course, nap time and bedtime. And he always plays back when I move hes foot or poke some part of him that is sticking out. Well, yesterday, K and I were playing and she kicked me pretty hard in the upper tummy, where his feet would be. So all day yesterday, I payed close attention to his movements and found that he wasn't moving nearly as much as I thought he should be. When I laid down next to KBean to go to sleep (at 11pm) the little man in my belly wasn't moving at all... so, I called one of my midwives to ask her what she thought I should do. She had me go to the hospital to get a 'Non-Stress Test'. Not very non-stressful. My friends hubby came to sit with K and I sped all 10 blocks to the hospital. My midwife must have called to say was coming because the emergency room door burst open when the night guy (a super super nice dude with a great and reassuring smile) saw me. He sent me right back to the birth wing, which I had nooo idea where it was having never been there before. The nurse was ready for me and I was weighed, pee tested, and hooked up to the machine in like 5 minutes! As soon as she had the heartbeat monitor in place, and I could hear the little thumping, I knew everything was fine. But she had me stay hooked up for 20 minutes, that is how long the test takes, and she checked me every 5. Needless to say, Baby Brother is fine, lots of movement, just a clam kind of day, I guess... The exciting news was that while I was sitting there, I had 2 contractions!... OK, well, I didn't feel them, but still, 2 contractions! He'll be here soon, I just know it!

Now on to K Bean's story... First of all, she was 6 days past her so called 'Due Date' and our Dr. in Georgia had us go to a specialist at the hospital for the same test. Once again, everything was fine. The nurse kept trying to tell me I was contracting, I guess a ton of little ones, but I couldn't feel them. They sent us home and said 'If anything changes come to the hospital right away.' So we went home. J Wizzle and I both figured if I was contracting already then today would be our last day to really get things in order. So we spent the rest of our day cleaning and organizing and making phone calls, all that stuff that gets put off till the last moment anyway. We didn't start getting ready for bed till around midnight. That's when I had my first real contraction. We had a hella busy day and now I was in for a sleepless night of birthing my daughter. Great. We already had the bag and the car seat in the car so J Dub drove us the 26 minutes to the hospital. We had already registered, some pre-reg thing to make check in go faster. The triage nurse took us right away and was pretty cool, she did all the initial checking and poking around and whatever it is that they do and sent us to our room. I labored for 8 hours but have no idea how long I had to push for. At this point it all seems the same. At some point I declared I was done and didn't care what had to happen, just get her out of me!!! I don't remember the Dr. coming in but she was just like my mom, she told me to stop whining and push, that my birth plan said no forceps or things like that and that was how we would it! I told her to reach in and grab the baby by the ears, no tools needed. Isn't that how they do cows? Anyway, after much, much, yelling, the Doctor and J Dub were looking at a little purple monkey and telling me to push one more time, for the placenta. WTF? No one said that shit has to come out separately! Any way they took K Bean to run all those first-day-on-earth tests and she was perfect. The couch in the recovery room was way too short for my poor man and his poor back could only take so much.Since the baby Bean and I were doing fine, nursing and sleeping and peeing and all that, J Dub and I decided we should leave. So we did. We practically had to fight our way out, the hospital didn't want us to go. But we both hate hospitals and were very adamant about leaving so after signing away all types of disclaimers we got to go home...
And she grew, and now shes 2 and amazing and that is how it went. I bet J Dub remembers things differently but between the 2 of us, I think we have it pretty down.

Best Part of My Day...

I think my most favorite thing all day has to be the few precious moment when K Bean is still in a good mood before she crashes at bedtime. She is always so adorable then and tonight was no exception. We were sitting on the couch talking about life and she just had sooo much to tell me. We talked about baby brother being born soon and how she would have to be gentle at first because he would be so small, "teeny tiny" as she put it. But she was really just excited to "play wit him." I told her sometimes mommy might be very tired and she would have to spend a lot of time with Grandma or Daddy and she got very excited about that one. We sat and talked about her school and about her puppy, Charlie (one of those large beanie babies that I had when I was a kid). She told me all about the time she stepped on a bear and didn't even hurt her foot! It was really relaxing until I mentioned brushing her teeth, then all hell broke lose! But we got those little teeth clean and sent her off to bed. Where she promptly shed all her clothes and refused to put on the only diaper of her day, the night time diaper. She isn't even 3 yet and already she can go through the day, from school to errands to the sitter to Grandmas, without an accident! I'm sooo proud of her! But when she pees on my fresh made bed at nap time! that is when I tell her she has to sleep on the couch from now on! But naturally, that never happens so she is back in my bed, asleep on a clean blanket waiting for Daddy to come home.

Some Stuff Done, Still More to Come

Every time I think I have a handle on the To-Do list, it seems to get longer.

The good news is that I got all the laundry done despite having a broken dryer. I did have to take it all to my mom's house and use her appliances, but that is ok with me, I think it go done faster that way. I hung the belly cast just to get it out of the way but it still needs to be primed and decorated... I figured we could all do that as a family when J Dub gets home and this baby is finally born. The rug in the living room still needs to be laid out and both that and the carpet in the bedroom need to be cleaned while I still have mom and dad's steam vac. I need to do it soon because once I return that I can borrow the sewing machine and make my curtains. I finally laid out a cleaning schedule so I don't get so overwhelmed everyday when I wake up and realize my house is a pigsty.

Hopefully, getting the cleaning part of homemaking down will inspire and help me get to the cooking part. The ideal for our family is good home cooked, mostly vegan meals at least twice a day. There is an amazing grocery store here that has great sales on all types of organic, gluten free, or vegan packaged goods but I need to start cooking things from scratch too. I have a great collection of vegan and gluten free cookbooks, the recipes I have tried have all turned out well, and I enjoyed making them. But something always stops me from doing it on a regular basis. Usually it is the fact that my sink is still full of dishes from yesterday, or even a few days before! I don't want K Bean to grow up loving prepackaged, over processed foods, but she will if I don't change my act soon. Even organic gluten free cereal bars are still over processed products of the food industry.

Tomorrow my midwives come to check up on the little guy in my belly and make sure he isn't running out of room. I have a lot to do in the morning before they get here. Goodnight!