Word Vomit and Gratitude Sunday

I'm loving watching these Littles of mine grow. This week has been hard for us. Almost all their toys and games have been boxed up, furniture is being moved, and we're out of catsup because I refuse to buy anymore food we won't use up before we leave. i'm mean like that i guess. but really, what am i supposed to do with a twice used bottle of catsup? And with all this unpleasant change has come outbursts and temper tantrums and disagreements... and about half of that is me. in my defense, i was also sick AND it was my Shark Week. But despite all this, I see my kids and their perfect moments... the ones that happen all day long but maybe I'm not paying enough attention and I miss it. Just now, I finished nursing the ManChild and gently got up to pee, "I'll be right back," I said, "I'm just going potty. Sissy will hold your hand." I wasn't gone but maybe a moment and when I came back, they were still holding hands, fast asleep. 


I know I've been neglecting this silly little blog. Which is super lame of me, I have brilliant ideas to share all day long. But to be honest, blogging and moving sucks. I feel like I complain about it all the time and no one likes a whiney blogger. but SHIT! moving totally blows. didn't i just pack this godam crap? I've been so caught up in not-organizing that there are no knitting pictures... heck, there's been literally and absolutely zero knitting. And I know at least some of you dear readers come for the yarn. don't pretend you don't. There also haven't been any kid pictures either really. Well, my camera hates me. It says asshole things like "no, i won't focus on that awesome texture," and "sorry, sweetheart, but we all know your kids/knitting/dog/those mountains are cuter blurry/dark/bright/not in the shot." ok, maybe the last one is my fault. And since getting hit with the world's hugest over use fee on my data plan fuck you att, I've been pretty anal about my phone usage too. So yay! blog with no pics whoohoo!!!! And I don't know why else anyone would read this silly totally awesome blog. Except maybe for the diapers. I promise I have an awesome cloth diapering a toddler/potty training post coming up... if I ever actually sit down to write it. Oh and we've been reading awesome things, so I have a post in my head for both Ginny's Yarn Along and Unschool Monday... But I have to actually write those too... shit.

But today, what I do have, is Gratitude Sunday with Taryn. Her posts are always so magikal, I wish everyone would go over and read some of them. Also, she and her husband, Jeff, make the most wondrous buttons and things out of reclaimed wood and wood the find on their property, as well as salves and ointments, that they sell at their Etsy shop. 

Oh well. I'm so grateful for everyone who reads this blog and all my ridiculous word vomit. It would be cool to hear from some readers, if any care to comment, what types of things you'd like to hear more of... give me some ideas. 

I'm so grateful that my family is letting the kids and I stay with them for a few months while Huz gets some more things finished.

I'm soooo grateful to Snoop Lion for hosting my man's first EP. I'm grateful that Snoop let Huz use his studio, I'm grateful to DaeOne for making the beats all original, right there during the sesh. 

And most of all, I'm so grateful to my man. I'm thankful that I get to see his face on and off thru out the months. I'm thankful for 6 years and 2 beautiful babies. he still thinks i'm hot, even when i don't. I'm thankful that his job is structured to give us time apart to miss each other, lol. 

thank you air, thank you blood, thank you fire and water and body. today was an awesome day.

Annnd, Another Chat With K Bean (ok 2 chats, but they are sooo cute)

"punchy, punchy, punchy..."
"Hey Bean, please don't punch your brother in the head."
"I'm not, I'm just knocking him over."

Ok, so, it really was just a light closed fist tap on his head and he seamed to be having a good time but still.  And he was laying on his tummy soo...

OK, It's an old pic, but you get the idea. Just so you know, this was taken when we visited family in September,
that diaper he is wearing is now waayyy too small for him. And look how big it is in the picture!

While I was tucking KaBean (like kapow!) in just now she called me to lay down with her and then we had the following one-sided conversation-

"No Mommy, you're sitting on my couch-bed."

"oh ok but-"

"You have to get up an go away."

"but you-"

"Here, I made room for you. Quick lay down the monster is coming and I will protect you!"

At this point she wrapped her little arms around my head and started whispering "shhhh" at me. I didn't say a thing.

"Quiet Mommy, we don't want them to find us."

More silence from me.

"Here, you have to protect Charlie, I will protect you!"

Charlie is an old stuffed dog that my Grama gave me when I was maybe 8 or so and now he is Bean's dog.

"Ok Mommy, give me books to cover up, they are cold."

I gave her the books, they took my spot.

"Good night Mommy."

Good night Bean, I love you."

"I love you too. And I love Daddy and I love Man Chile and I love Isis and I love Charlie and I love Grandma..."

"Ok, give me a good night kiss."

"2 kisses!"

lol, then I left her in her couch bed and now I can hear her singing to herself. aaahhhhh I love good nights like this!

A Success Story and a Peaceful Bedtime.

I just got to put both babies to bed in my bed with me in the middle. Can I just say how amazing it feels to nurse one while the other has her arm around my neck whispering, "I love you Mommy. And I love the Man Child, and Daddy, and Isis..." this truly is my reason for living.


It had been hard for me to really mother these 2 little beings for a while. My co-parent, their father, my lover had been gone on business for waaay to long this time and the 3 of us were wearing thin. I was starting to get mad and easily frustrated with Bean having to leave the Man Child to cry while I sorted her out. But yesterday and now today have been true attachment parenting successes! Even with Bean having a bit of a stuffy nose and a low temperature, she has been fun and mostly agreeable. Not perfect... lol... she is 2 after all. Bed times like this reaffirm my belief that I can be a gentle peaceful mom and that my kids will not grow up to be spoiled rotten, they will be confident knowing they are loved and free to express themselves without fear of judgment or ridicule.

A Good Day Despite....

Well, J Dub left today but despite all that KaBean and I had a great day. As he was getting into the car to drive away I took the offspring to the playground. She was sooooo good. There was no fighting, she even told ME it was time to go and have lunch. yay! So we came home, had lunch and she jumped into my bed talking about going to sleep. It's a game she likes to play where she naps and reads stories to Man Child. As nice as that may sound, it is surprisingly roudy. So I pointed out that if she wanted to nap instead of go to ballet class and see Miss Melinda then thats ok. welll.... She picked ballet. yay #2. I got to sit in Headlands and have a piece of cake and some coffee and Man Child NIP and no one said anything, haha. He was so goood, I even read some pages in my new book! holla!
Anyway- Harvest, dinner time, Man Child's bedtime, teeth brush, stories, and finally, the tuck in. She told me she missed her Daddy a few times but she wasn't totally unconsolable. They were both asleep by 8 and I got to work on more Frog Binky Straps for Origin.

Good Night, Blog.

Spiritual Mantras for Cleaning House

Earth my body
Water my blood
Air my breath
fire my spirit.

I got clean sheets on my bed, laundry folded, dishes done and a baby washed! Sweet! Before I even discovered the mantra for house work, Melinda was helping me use it birthing babies. I thought, hey it worked then, maybe it'll work now. It did.

Tapatio is hotter when left on the counter... and consumed in large amounts at 10pm...

Earlier in the day, no chanting... but I still got some chunky stuff done- I showered Bean, with Soap this time instead of getting her wet and calling it good, AND I cut her hair. Yeah I did! She looks so cute and neat instead of some crazy scraggle kid I pulled off the street. She even ate 2 really good-ish meals today. I know most kids eat 3 or more but she fell asleep at 6:45! Crazy Kid. Maybe that helped get all that stuff done...? Naw it was the chanting.

Bean says Toy Story 3 is too scary for her so we watched Bugs Life instead. Also a great movie, but I sooo love TS3! I got most of the head of another frog done, but I was nursing, then holding a sleeping baby so it didn't go as fast as it could have. Now I will work on it for a little while while watching Hulu and then go back to bed with my spit-up free clean smelling little baby. yay.

The Man Child's new favorite night time song (another chant courtesy of Melinda) helped him doze off quite a bit faster tonight and kept him entertained as I washed dishes next to his bath tub. yeah, multi-tasking.

We all come from the Goddess
And to her we shall return.
Like a drop of water
Flowing to the Ocean...

The fact is, chanting these and putting love and truth into the words gives me the strength I need to finish my task. Just like when I birthed my Man Child, hearing these words... or maybe I thought them waaayyyy hard in my head, gives me strength to put one foot in front of the other. Women have been raising beautiful, honest children in worse situations than ours and we will be fine as long as I don't give up.

Thank you
Blessed be

Whats With Today, Today?

Hells yeah, I got a ton of shit done today. Yeah I did!
1. Got Kaya off to school with breakfast in her tummy before she left house, lunch made, teeth brushed, Zen dressed and changed and Isis fed. Score!
2. Went to Mom's to drop off her tomatoes from Lorrie's garden (delish!) and pick up the cookware I needed to make my day super productive.
3. Got home and finished the dishes. That alone is a major accomplishment. I was very proud of that because I just got a new 38 piece set of Snapware (like Tupperware only cooler) that all needed to be washed and put away.
4. I gave Zen a bath. Yay. My little water baby loves his bath days! He was all pissed off, like majorly pissed, and I got him naked and put him in the tub and presto, he was super chill. Got him all cleaned and put him down for his nap. I sooo wish I could have joined him. Early bed time tonight!
5. I made tamales. That's right bitches, TAMALES! AND they were vegan! hells yeah! score 5 for the home team! Vegan potato curry tamales. I soooo made the masa from scratch too. I didn't grind the corn or anything, but I did have to blend it with the Earth Balance for like 3 hours just to get it to the right consistency (no, not really 3 hours, but hella forever). AND guess what? They turned out pretty great. I mistook my cayenne pepper for chile powder and added a whole tablespoon of cayenne to the curry so they were suuuuuper spicy but after some tweaking they came out pretty good! yay.

Now all I have to do before bed is get the diapers into the dryer, fold the laundry and make the bed. Then I can sleep in it! YAY!!!!!

Fluffy Mail!!!

First off, the fun stuff, I got my fluffy mail today! The boring stuff- Thirsties Pre-Wash and Rockin' Green Cloth Diaper Laundry Detergent (Soft Rock- Bare Naked Babies). The exciting stuff- FuzziBunz Double sided Wipes and my very first Rumparooz G2 One Size Diaper w/ 6-r  Soaker (Aplix fastener) in Platinum. That's right, we now have a platinum colored diaper. Ballin! I already love it, but it hasn't been washed yet and that seems to make a difference in the softness. In the next few posts I think I'm going to start reviewing some of the fluff and fluff related products I get. I'll start with our first diaper purchase and go from there.

But that is another post, and right now I'm going to talk about my day...

J Wizzle left this morning, sad, and the house is a mess, sadder. I should be picking things and cleaning since I got both kids to bed at the same time (score 1 me!) but instead I am going to watch Robin Hood and work on Melinda's cowl. Tomorrow I will be going to the MYS with Jamie to get some advice on the project while Bean is in day care, I'm kinda nerdily excited about it! My mom told me I was an old lady but I just laughed. This is fun! I got more done on this project while Wade-O was home than I had been able to get done in a while and that felt really great!
Our day went pretty well, J Dub left at noon and the kids and I sort of hung out together for a while. We played "You can't caaaaatch meeee!" with Bean. I hold the Man Child in the carrier and sort of fast walk while K Bean runs through our house squealing and having a really great time. Then we played "You can't fiiiinnnd meeee!" Bean will hide under the blanket and then squeal and have a really good time when I pull the blanket off her and find her. Then, get this other moms of 2 babies, We All Took A Nap At The Same Time!!! Yes we did. It was glorious! Man Child slept and Bean slept and I got to sleep too!!! (Hence being up blogging at 11pm) It was even Bean's idea. I think she thought she was playing a game until she started snoring!
Any way, I'm off to my knitting.

Day 5: Disaster Strikes or Good Start, Race Lost or Melinda is a Goddess!

Woke up this morning to 3 stuffy noses, 3 sore throats and 3 coughs. We were supposed to meet friends at the play ground and then meet Melinda for tea. I almost cancelled everything but instead I texted Melinda and told her we were unwell and, since she is an amazing wonderful person, asked her if she could bring us some "feel better." I packed Kaya and I a good lunch, dressed Zenny and got the kids into the car for our play date at the park. We played and had lunch and Kaya was so good the whole time we were there, but a little sluggish and sleepy acting. Zen slept on my chest in our Beco carrier the whole time. (PS- I love those baby wearing and I LOVE our Beco!) We went to Mendo, then started home for a nap. As we were leaving she started acting so out of it. not bad, just a little cranky 2 year old. then she just stopped listening, she usually has to be asked 2 or 3 times but she usually does it. Today she didn't want to listen or help or be patient or anything. She was kicking and yelling and jumping and she was happy and having fun the whole time. Even when I finally had to yell at her for putting her dirty feet all over  the baby's head and face. I asked her 3 hundred times to stop. "Stop putting your feet on Zenny's head please, Kaya." But she didn't and I wanted to smack her. I don't want to be that kind of mother. Any way, our day just fell to pieces, every moment things just got worse. I was feeding off her energy and she was feeding off me. I fell asleep during the movie, while asleep she got into the bum spray for the cloth wipes and emptied to out onto the floor in her play room. That was the last straw, I tossed her in her bed for a time out and she yelled and hit me and I yelled back and Zen started crying so I started to change him when Kaya started yelling and kicking the bed so hard i thought she was going to break something. So Kaya was kicking, Zen pooped on himself and they were both crying. I called Melinda and she came to my rescue. She came and took Kaya for dinner and an adventure. Zen and I lay down and snuggled, we ate, and I got to knit. Kaya came home and Melinda helped me put her to bed. Now it's my bed time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Day 4 etc. etc. etc.

So today was decent. Natalie was here over night and helped with bed time and getting Kaya ready for daycare this morning. But she was still kinda grumpy when she got home. Her teacher said she didn't nap at all, so I know she was just tired. I have to learn to be more patient with her when she takes forever to do as I ask. She is frustrated that Daddy is gone again and I think, even though she is always kissing him and loving him and telling us how much she loves him, I think she is a little jealous of Zen. She was doing sooo well but recently she started having accidents again. She started the day she went to daycare after Zen was born and it hasn't really gotten better. On the up side, she did wake herself up in the night to go pee.

Poor little Zenjamin has the snuffles. No fever, just a really stuffy nose. I don't really know what to do besides wait it out. Kaya was stuffy for a 2 days and got right over it, so maybe tomorrow or the next day?

I got really mad at the cowl I'm knitting for Melinda. It wasn't really it's fault, you know, I was doing the knitting. So I decided to take a break from it and go back to working on Jamie's hat. What I really want to do is start a new hat for Kaya but I need to finish something before I start something new.

Now I am off to bed!

Day 2 as a Semi-Single Mom

Sooo... day 2 started off kind of rough. Man-Child woke up at 6 am and wanted to nurse and chat and look at stuff, but I convinced him to at least chill and relax while I rested some more. Then K Bean woke up at 7 but she was easy, I put on UP and she stayed in her bed until it was over. We woke up and had a shower and got the kids in the car and went to my moms where the day got wayyyy better.

We had a rough night though. Poor Bean had a really stuffy nose and a cough all night. Then the poor, ill feeling girl had an accident in the middle of the night. she was sooo sad, I was heart broken. At some point the CD I had on Man leaked and we woke up in a horrible puddle. I think it was a Bum Genius AIO. I found a few disposables in the back of my closet so we'll be in those (at night) until my favorite baby shop in Mendo opens back up on Weds. I got my first FuzziBunz this weekend and I love it!

Well, night 2 has begun and so far Bean hasn't coughed Man is asleep and we're off to a good start.

Simultaneous Bed Times!

Tonight represents an amazing occurrence in the history of my household. Both of my babies went to bed together, at the same time! Thanks to my dear friend Chris for the use of his family heirloom cradle, I got Bean and Man to bed right around the same time. Wade-o read Bean a story while I nursed the Man and then when he was calm, I changed his diaper and swaddled him, put him in the cradle and sung them songs until he was out. Like a light. now he is asleep like a baby! YAY!!!

Let's see if we can keep it up when Wade-o goes back to work...

Today was also Man-Child's 2 week check up. His weight up to 9 lb. 2 oz. So big sooo fast! The doc said he is perfectly healthy and growing like a good boy.