10.27.2010

Busy, Busy and a Huge Fight

So, the last few days have been intense. We had a few good days, I started running the Nutcracker rehearsals for the Mendocino Ballet. That was fine, I don't know how I feel about working with little kids. I mean, last week was alright but pretty soon I have to tell them that they aren't all good enough to do certain parts. How do you say that to some little kid who wants to be the next great ballerina without taking class. I mean god really, you think you're kid should be in the Nutcracker but you (or they) don't want to go to class every week? Really? really. You think this is gonna work out? Great. And I have to try to make a presentable dance out of girls who don't go to class. Sweet.
Any way, I made some delish vegan/gluten free chocolate cupcakes that were soooo great! The frosting was A-MAZE-ING! And instead of sweetening the cupcakes with sugar the recipe called for using maple syrup! Sooo yummy!
Gave Zen a bath, that is always fun! I love bath days for him, he looks so happy when I put him in the water. He likes when I pour the water over his buda belly. The big goofy grin he gets is sooo cute.

Then tonight, at 1 o'clock in the morning, when I was trying to sneak a diaper on Kaya, she woke up and had a huge melt down. I mean huge! She started freaking out, kicking, screaming, punching, hair pulling. I thought she was going to break her legs in the crib slats. (It is a 3 sided bed now, but still has crib sides) It was so bad. I started crying in frustration, and pain, that girl kicks soooo hard! I was so upset, I just want to be a good mom, but after this... Ahh, I wanted to just spank her and make her put the damn diaper on and stop crying and go to bed dammit! AHHHH!!! I have such a hard time managing my hanger and frustration with her. I know she needs love and attention and not to be pushed aside so I can take care of Zen. But, and I know I've said this before, I'd rather nurse and snuggle than get yelled at and hit. ugh. I'm doing the best I can, trying to feed her more home cooked and less packaging and more fruit and less 'snacks'. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day and I know I love her. I love my girl soo much, I want to get stronger in my peace with her. She is amazing and so intelligent and when I treat her right she can be sooo good. Any way, good night. I'll see you tomorrow.

1 comment:

The Way of the Peaceful Parent www.peaceful-parent.com said...

Just a really quick hi to say thank you soooo much for sharing, I really want to pour out an answer, but I'm leaving to have a stand at a 3 day parent and child show and it's all go here, but just to at least respond and say that your sharing really touched me, brought a tear to my eye and that my heart is really going out to you at the moment, brings me back to my second child being a baby, tough tough stuff!! Keep heart, get as much support as you can, reduce as much stress and commitments as you can and stay connected through the page. Love and light, Genevieve