Socks and Pattern Adaptation...

I need to stop improvising on patterns... There is this crazy need that comes over me everytime I see a pattern or a yarn I like, "oh, I can do what ever I want to this sweater pattern..." or in this case, socks... I thought if I just added a few stitches, I could make it work... right? well, I added 16 cast on stitches to make it a larger sock, and so far compensating the math for the number of stitches in the heel and the number of rows needed to work the heel and even turn the heel, but now... I can't get the math to add up for the gussets. The pattern says "needle 1- 19, needle 2- 24, needle 3- 19, so my math should work to be 1- 25, 2- 32, 3- 25. but it isn't working!!! i just want to knit a fucking suck. bastard knitting. you always come in so sweet and simple, "oh look at me, i'm a simple sock pattern, you can do it... oh go ahead and add some stitches to me, it'll be easy." because adapting sock patterns is everyone's drug, right?

oh, and it turns out that when a pattern says "s1 p1" the slipped stitch is in fact slipped purl wise. who knew?


edited to add: "HA!!! I fixed it! good thing i know how to count.

Misunderstood...

A while ago I had the revelation that parenting was like taking care of someone in a natural disater. You don't want FEMA showing up with guns, barking orders, making the situation worse... you want someone to come in and speak with calm authority and a gentle plan. But now that my Girl is going to be 4 I find that not everything that upsets her is because of some major crisis or disaster. Sometimes it is the result of me not choosing my words properly... The other day, she was sorting some awesome magnet toys by color when we had to get in the car to go to grandma's. She got her magnets on their board and climbed into her car seat. Here is a close re-telling of how the conversation went:

"ok, please put your magnets down on the seat so I can buckle you in."
"ok, not yet, i'm finishing."
"sweetheart, you can finish later"
"noooo nowwwww!!!!!" and so the tantrum and the struggle to get buckled began. About half way thru trying to strong arm her into her arm straps, it hit me. She thought that when I said later, I meant, well, later. So I stopped what I was doing to her, she yelled and was angry for a bit and then I began again.
"Sweetheart, do you think I will not let you have your crispy-cookies (that was the game with the magnets, i guess) back?"
"mmmmm"
"Well, what I meant to say was that as soon as you are buckled you can have your magnets back."
"mmm"
I went on to explain to her, after she was buckled with her magnets back safely in her lap, that sometimes mommy might say something that is good but it might not come out sounding like that. I told her that if she didn't like the sound of what I'm saying to ask me what the plan is. She seamed satisfied with that and then let it go. When we got back into the car to go home, she put her magnets on the seat next to her and said "I can have them back later when I'm buckled, right mommy?"
This morning, she asked me for a morning cartoon and I said no, not right now, maybe after lunch. She looked at me and said "What's the plan?" so I explained the simple version of my very busy day and came to the part where she could watch a movie after lunch. Well, she thru her fit anyway, and I sat with her and held her hand while she was upset. When the crying ended, she seemed to have forgotten about the movie and hasn't asked me since.

It is hard to be new to this world. She has such a greater understanding of the universe than anyone knows, but the language she possess isn't always enough for even the simplest communications. I try to take it one thing at a time, but it is so easy to get frustrated and bossy. I just keep telling her I love her no matter what and that even if we are sad today, tomorrow will be better.

Oh, I love Talking to Bean!!!

So, here I am sitting at the kitchen table watching this great birth video. The woman is gently vocalizing as she has her contractions and begins to push (not at all like me, who yelled/screamed so hard my voice was horse the next day). K Bean was on the other side of the room and couldn't see what was on the screen.

"Mommy, she's having a baby!"
"Yeah, she is."
"Like me!" Here she lifts up her shirt and pats her belly.
"Oh are you having a baby?"
"Yeah, in the bath."
"Ok."
"In the big bath!"
She came over to sit with me and watch the video. We talked about having babies and how we had Man Child at home in the tub, just like the lady in the video. I love sharing birth with my daughter. She always gets sooo excited when the baby comes out.
"Mommy, is she so happy she's crying?"
"Yeah, that's what Mommies do when they are soooo happy to see their babes."
"You were laughing."
"Yes, yes I was. I very happy."
I cried when I saw you too, my little love.