...I don't want to be touched. or looked at. or spoken to. or cried for.
...I don't want to feed anybody. or share the ice cream. or kiss boo boos.
...I don't want to answer questions. or help with sweatshirts. or shoes or the potty.
I Just Want To Be Alone.
Unlike other SAHMs I don't have the huz around to watch the kiddlets so I can run to the market. or yarn shop. or dance class. or the friggin bathroom. If I want to go anywhere, ANYWHERE, I have to pack the diapers and the toys and the clean clothes and the Beco and buckle everyone in. Then I can go where I need to go... not where I want to go. We tried to go to the yarn store today... it went ok but not really. KaBean put a $44 skien of wool in my bag when I wasn't looking. Luckily, the yarn shop lady is ah-maze-ing and simply took it back laughing.
Unlike most single mothers I don't get to (have to) drop them off at day care to go spend 8 (glorious child free) hours at work.
Nope, not me. I am with these 2 small, needy, whiney, sticky, hungry, bored offspring 24/7. and really i want rip my hair out.
Sometimes. But then I turn around and see Bean sharing her toys willingly with her brother. I watch him look at her and say thing. you know babies do- long sentances of sounds that make sense only to the baby. And she looks back at him and listens to him like she knows just what he is saying. Then she comes over and kisses my hand (her new thing) and says "I love you Mommy."
And I forget all about pulling my hair out.
Then Bean does something that make the Man Child laugh. Not chuckle or giggle, but full on belly laugh! I mean my fat little baby sits there waving his arms up and down guffawing! So stinking cute...
And I forget about being alone.
I can not imagine my life without them in it. I don't want to drop them off for a long day at a job that probably wouldn't pay me enough any way. But I do really want Wade-O home so that when I start to feel overwhelmed I have to option of going somewhere alone. Even if it is just to the shower without the worry that I'll have to get out mid shampoo if someone starts crying.