Inspiration, I Need Some

It's too hot.
My spinning wheel is temporarily out of commission.
Both kids are under the weather.
The whole family is dissatisfied with our move.
I am bored by my yarn stash.
Little B will not stop nursing. Which in it's own way is adorable, he walks up to me and says "mommy, boobies? Need boobies, pease? Momma! Boobies. Have it!" But he's been nursing more since the move than he has since babyhood.
Huz and I are having a hard time reconnecting. He's having a hard time shifting into full time family mode. Which makes sense, really it does. He could be Working Man Artist Guy on the Grind Non Stop whenever he left and Full Time Awesome Daddy when he was home. Now he has to be Working Upstairs Daddy Downstairs. He is amazing, he does the best he can, and his best is surprisingly amazing. Turns out that I'm rather fond of him. who knew?

And then there's this... A few days ago Little A finally gave a hint as to why we have been so disconnected... It should have been obvious, we just moved from the northern california coast to the dry nevada desert. We'd been here about 9 days, but off the coast for 2 weeks. Since we got here, every single one of us, including Huz, has gotten sick. This dry air, the heat... any way, like I said, it should have been obvious. She stopped talking yesterday. Responding only to things in grunts and wails. Crying at the drop of a hat. literally, she dropped a hat and it was the end of the world. And to make it all worse, I have been reacting in the worst ways... well, not this again, but tons of shame, "why would you do that? what were you thinking?" lots of with holding "no candyland till..." and just my over all vibe of unhappiness at the location of our new home. And she can tell. Of corse she can. She's doing what I want to be doing, but i can't because I'm supposed to be the mom. *but i'm sick too, and i just want to be taken care of...* oh what, by your 4 year old? So you know what I did that morning when she woke up grunting and being very sad and withdrawn? I put myself on the floor with her and whined and grunted and thrashed about every time she did. But I started to put words to my emotions to help her understand... 
Her: grunt, thrash, sad 
Me: "i'm so sad because I miss my friends, and we have no one to play with here." 
Then she'd lay still and think about that (or so it seemed...). Then more...
whine/ grunt, thrash, sad
"I'm frustrated because I want to outside and play but it is too hot and there is no yard."
Quiet thinking... then grunt whine thrash
"I'm lonely because I miss my mom and dad. And their house..."
"I miss grandma's house."

There were other things too, but I've forgotten them now... it's been a long few days...

Then she was very quiet, but still not really responding and at this point I had to go feed Little B. I told her we were going downstairs for breakfast and she could come if she wanted... I hated leaving her there, especially after trying to get her to open up, but nothing would be solved with a hungry toddler in the room. About 15-20 minutes I went back up to check on her and found her eating cereal and laughing with Huz. That day was much better, we went to the aquarium... which is a hole other story...

We're still adjusting and I'm still not always reacting the way I want to, but things are getting better for us. Life is a learning process, no technique, no tool, no parenting strategy works all the time. I'll figure this one out just in time for the next emotional catastrophe, because that is what happens when you allow your children to feel and express emotions rather than suppress them.

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