That Shawl.

You know the one... I call it the F@#king Shawl. I am sort of regretting being so hostile in the beginning. It isn't the Shawl's fault that I cannot count. It isn't the Shawl's fault that in my excitement to cast on something beautiful in Mushishi, I didn't wait till I had needle of the proper length to hold all 8 million cast on stitches. It certainly isn't the pattern's fault that I decided to use yarn that knits up in a gauge that is 18 times bigger than the pattern gauge. And last but not least, it isn't the yarn's fault that I have tinked-back and frogged it so many times it is starting to felt. Although, this Mushishi is awfully prone to pilling and the shawl is already starting to look fuzzy...
Any way, after all the blood sweat and tears issues, I am about to finish the first section and I couldn't be happier with what is coming off the needles. It is really as wonderful as I imagined it. I'm tempted to string it out along several circular needles of mismatched sizes just to see how the color change looks over all, but I'm battling between 3 selves: the "oh-my-god-yes-do-it-now!" self, the calm and even tempered "well, at least wait till you finish the first color" self, and the lazy patient self that says "just wait till you're done, it'll be a beautiful surprise." I'm leaning between the first and last options... i mean really, think about all that work, spreading 715 million stitches onto who knows how many needles just to see the colors? too much.

Any how, I'd like to share this moment, when I texted my very dear knitter / lifetime BFF in a panic about "oh my god, no matter how well and how many times I count this shit out, I still getting F@#king Wrong! ggaaahhhhhh, F@#king Shawl!!!"

See how there are 3 stitches between the green marker and the end of the needle? I had a massive nervous break down where I swore the pattern said k4 before marker and that some how, despite the fact that everything in the pattern was lining up and showing right, I had still managed to be an asshat count wrong. For real. I texted her pics. I cursed at the pattern, my Huz (who, I think, might find me slightly more insane than he did yesterday), my handwritten copy of the pattern, the yarn, the needles, and the pattern (although, after reading more of her blog and looking at some more of her designs, I still think SarahBear is pretty brilliant). I was so sad, I honestly thought of giving up. 7 rows into a pattern and I was ready to quit. Till I noticed... look at those 3 stitches again, see the line of writing there? It says this "...k1p, k3, sm)"... in people terms it says ..."knit one pass, knit 3, slip marker)" see that? Knit THREE. THREE! right there, in my hand writing, in the freaking picture, it says, plain as fucking day, KNIT THREE. Turns out, that imaginary k4 I was worried about isn't till the very very end of the row, and that extra knit there is to make the edge more stable. The good news is that I was not wrong or lame and that I do have the ability to knit this bitch. The bad news is... well, maybe cussing at knitting and imaginary problems and not being able to read my own notes... well, the bad news is that I might be slightly batshit crazy.

ps- Lindsey, I'm sorry and thank you for understanding.

pps- Jodi thank you for calling it 'that "shawl"'... (yes, she attached air quotation marks to the word shawl and had the decency to tell me about them.)

I will leave you with this:

A barely discernable picture of the pattern emerging from the wooly-silky goodness that is the Mushishi. Be amazed. I'm about to destroy this shit.

ppps- come back later when I share the stories of my 2 Great Bus Adventures. It will be great fun. but now I have to stop the minions children from destroying each other.

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